I(F15) am in Grade 9 now. For some context, I was born into a filthy rich family. But the family was crazy. They had trust issues,they were melodramatic and manipulative even my eldest cousin sister right from her childhood. Of course she learned it from her parents. She was also a spoiled brat. She manipulated her parents and the whole family to get things she wanted. Her parents manipulated her to only believe in their delusional stories. She was the daughter of my father's elder brother. ( My father was the middle child and they had another younger sister who was also a delusional freak) My father was the only one who wasn't like them and my mother was also like him. They both were somewhat naive and let others manipulate and berate them. Though they started standing up for themselves, my father soon died leaving my brother(M5) and me(F2). Without him to stand up anymore, my mother started losing her mind there with them. So she left with me and my brother. They absolutely loved us and we did too. But as I said, they were crazy, and when they went mad they could do anything. They threw many vile accusations on my mother but when they would come back to sanity, they would deny everything like they never said anything. My mother realised she'd go crazy there and me and my brother would turn into manipulative brats like my cousin. And yes I am talking about my very own family. My father left us some money, we barely got by with that money for 6 years. My mother along with my uncle(father's older brother) fought very hard to get the inheritance of my grandparents as there were some complications. We had to sacrifice a lot to get here. Yes, we were filthy rich because of my grandfather who was a wise man. But his family ruined a lot of it. So we weren’t left with a lot to inherent. We got the inheritance when we lost all hopes. We've been leading a good life for the past 3 years. We decorated our little house, bought a car. Now to present time, the city we are living in is very conservative. People here aren't very open-minded. Whereas my birth city is the opposite and filled with people of class and standard. Now not many people have cars here. Now, it wouln't be a big deal if I went to a private school where I would've met kids of my standard. But I go to a girls public school, where I got in with my merits, its a very competitive school to get in. Its filled with people of all classes. Now the problem ain't really in school, it started at the tutors. So our teachers at school also provide subject based private classes. I only go to two classes and both teachers like me. For some reason, math class is filled with very annoying girls. You know those highschool annoying girls who speak in a bitchy tone, act like they're the smartest but their words makes no sense. They are barely passing classes, but still won't pay attention in class and keep laughing throughout the class and literally every single teacher is annoyed with them. That's them. Now, again not many people have cars here, especially cars driving teens alone by a driver. If I was in my birth city, would that be a big thing? Definitely not, because that's so common. It's these girl I don't like anyways who pass comments about me, and talk about me behind my back, not just them, even my so called friends do. All they say is, I am rich, that I am flexing, and that I am dramatic while I am a person who don't even talk unless necessary yet social with classmates. Especially, this one friend of mine, who keeps commenting. She's the one who started these comments. Not that it's affecting me in a huge way, but it's disturbing and hurtful to listen to the same comments everyday. I always thought kids get bullied being poor, but these people are verbally bullying me for being somewhat rich. Nowadays, I keep thinking, only if we never left our home, my father was alive, my family wasn't full of manipulative bastards, we all made peace and lived together and I still went to the school I used to go to. I would have people of my standard and class, and of my mentality there. Even though all these years of experience with ups and downs, struggles and sacrifices were worthy and also gruesome, I still wish for that life I was supposed to live. The richness they think I am flexing is nothing compared to what I had. I am very upset because everyday those comments remind me of my family and the 10 years I've spend here in this city living so poorly, watching my mom breaking down and yet standing firm again. I do hate my family because it was because of them. They ruined themselves and us. They mentally tortured my parents. I've heard of many times my father was very hurt because of them. He really got stuck in the middle of his birth family and new family. One of the househelps of our house said, he was once having lunch alone. And he heard his mom and/or sister talking shit about my mom, and he broke down and he was crying and eating. My heart breaks for him. He was so mistreated by all. My mom under pressure of everyone would end up being rude with him. I can see in her eyes and words how badly she's hurting and regreting now. She lived through all that and made sure we wouldn’t so she moved away with us. As I said, we all really loved each other in the family and have many happy memories but the trauma hurts more which they caused under the fit of craziness. So now these comments everyday only make me re-live all of that everyday. I haven’t shared any of this with anyone. I told my mother a little but only in a joking manner, I didn't even go deep about it. Because then she'd get hurt very badly. So now neither can I go for any other option nor tolerate this anymore. All I can do is, keep living through my deepest pain and trauma everyday till I can leave this country forever for college. Once I leave I never want to come back again. I want to leave behind my birth city and this hellhole of a city forever.

Hello! I am kind of nervous about posting this but would really appreciate any advice!!! Sorry about the brick. TLDR at the bottom!
So maybe around 2 months ago somebody moved in upstairs in the apartment above us. I was laying on my bed and heard the landlord talking to someone right outside my window about moving in. It was a girl talking to him about what she did for work and everything. I didn’t want to really hear it but it was so clear I could just hear it laying in my bed. So shortly after a man moves in. I hear the girl a few more times and that is all. Once they very loudly engaged in adult activities ☠️ . Then later that week she came over and they screamed at each other and yelled horribly until dawn when she left. I think she helped get him the apartment but he for sure made her angry somehow that night and she has not been around since. I hear him all the time now but it has become a serious problem. I have only waited 2 months to do something because I don’t want to be involved in whatever was happening and also I don’t usually complain about noise from my neighbors (until now I guess). I understand that living in close quarters like apartments next to each other that it is natural to hear some sounds since people are living there of course. I have heard plenty of fights in my time. I always just kept it in my mind that I didn’t really mind if they were loud (unless someone sounded like they may be getting hurt then of course I would call for help) if they didn’t mind if sometimes we may be loud (not on purpose). So I have never met this guy. Well shortly after he moved in he started screaming at the top of his lungs all night constantly. It will go on for hours. For example tonight he was been screaming for 6+ hours straight. He will also cuss and yell. He throws things and breaks things. It sounds like a horrible fight. Everyone can’t sleep and gets scared including the poor dog. Back after the first time it happened I went outside and found a note under my windshield wiper. It had been raining so it was kind of hard to read but in very scraggly handwriting (mines not great but this was difficult to read at all) he says he was sorry about the noise that he felt bad and his boss told him to get his act together. He said it was just mental illness. I did not pry. He asked me to forgive him for the noise. So I did. I just never wanted to overstep into someone’s life. He gave me his phone number on that note and asked I texted him. I didn’t want to text at that time and went back to my own things. So anyway two months later and it is still happening. It is not every night but it is common. I have tried to see if everything was alright but he just left me two notes in my mailbox asking me to let it go and saying sorry and to text him. Eventually I did text him just to ask if he was okay. He never did answer. I want to help fix this but I am not sure how. He has also sat besides my window (where the middle of the stairs are that go up to his apartment) and cried really loud. He has also talked to me through my window since it is close to my bed. He has said hello and asked how I am through my window too. The window is closed and I have blinds but he can see in through the sides of them a little where my bed is. I can just cover my window more. I guess I just kept trying to downplay it and not get him in trouble. I have no faith that cops would help. Sometimes a week or so would go by and nothing would happen. He screams for hours and cusses and makes the wildest noises. He fills his lungs with air and screams until his throat is raw and then some more. I have wanted to call the non emergency line to have them do a check up but I have done that before in my life and the cops only made things worse for them plus his notes seemed like he didn’t want me to take action. Tonight he was at it again. Screaming for 6 hours or so non stop just screeching. Things falling, him running down the stairs, crying by my window. This is clearly not going to get any better and I feel like I need to do something. I did tell the landlord and made sure to make it clear I did not want to be involved or get him into any trouble and that I was just worried about him but just wanted to make him aware if he knew of what to do. My landlord is another story so I don’t have a lot of faith in him. It is loud as though somehow is just in the other room screaming. I feel bad for letting it go this long but it was kind of a gradual progression at first. It is really scary, quite uncanny, and keeps us up all night. Has anyone ever experienced something like this and if so what did you do to find a solution? I don’t know if it is mental illness or my gf mentioned maybe drugs or whatever but it’s not really my business in the end but I could really use some help as this screaming is scary and getting out of hand. I have seen a lot of mental illness in my life but this involves a stranger instead of someone I know so I am unsure what to do about it. I just want to make sure things are okay and gonna continue to be okay without stepping over boundaries.
TLDR: neighbor has been screaming at the top of his lungs for 6+ hours a few nights a week and need advice hopefully without being involved or making his situation worse.

Ecclesiastes 10:18~" By much slothfulness the building decayeth; and through idleness of the hands the house droppeth through."
By much slothfulness the building decayeth~

1. The Lord Jesus was not speaking metaphorical when he said possession in this world is corrupted by moths and rust over time, and a very short time at that.
2. If measures at not implore regularly, even our greatest investment will soon decay and be worthless, or much less than if diligence was used properly.
3. Hoa's were created to ensure that others did their part to maintain their property value, so others who were diligent did not suffer along with others who were too lazy to do the simple work needed to preserved their investment.
4. However, there are houses, such as a kingdom, a nation, a family, a church, etc.
5. COnsidering the context and what we just considered above, about national prosperity. These as well we decay through the sin of slothfulness.
6. Care must be implemented and even force to preserve what we have labored for.

And through idleness of the hands the house droppeth through~A lazy man or woman cause the house to fall apart!

1. The application is higher, for it follows the context of folks ( leaders mainly ) given over to "excess of wine, revellings, banquetings, and abominable idolatries" ~1st Peter 4. Both sexes are equally the source this evil spoken of by Solomon. In my opinion men are more so, since the burden is on them to be leaders, of their household. Most godly women follow the lead of their husbands, IF the husband would just lead as he should.
2. Laziness affects all, and destroys much gain. A lazy father hurts his family~if he is lazy spiritually, ( the worst kind ) then all suffer the consequences of his laziness. In ALL work there is PROFIT, there is no profit in being lazy.
   Proverbs 24:30-34~"I went by the field of the slothful, and by the vineyard of the man void of understanding; And, lo, it was all grown over with thorns, and nettles had covered the face thereof, and the stone wall thereof was broken down. Then I saw, and considered it well: I looked upon it, and received instruction. Yet a little sleep, a little slumber, a little folding of the hands to sleep: So shall thy poverty come as one that travelleth; and thy want as an armed man.
   We can learn wisdom by others’ mistakes. Observation and analysis are great teachers, and Solomon was a master at both (Eccl 1:12-14; 2:11-13). It is our duty to learn from the mistakes of others and to teach our children to do so as well (Pr 19:19; 22:29).
   

Of course, we can also learn wisdom by observing the good choices and actions of wise men (Ps 37:37; Phil 3:17-21). It is a helpful habit to watch and identify the character or conduct that makes a man either foolish or wise. It reinforces the rules of wisdom.
Solomon here condemned lazy men (Pr 24:30-34). One of the first lessons parents must teach children is to get out of bed, work hard, and finish the job. Laziness is condemned often in Proverbs (Pr 6:6-11; 10:4; 12:24; 19:15,24; 20:4,13; 22:29). Observing and analyzing ants can also teach this wisdom (Pr 6:6-8; 30:25). Solomon knew his son’s success required his own diligence, and he also wanted him to reject lazy administrators.
Poverty is relatively easy to explain. Solomon saw that love of sleep costs many men their financial success. When he viewed derelict homes and property, he realized that the certain consequences of laziness had come to roost at those addresses. Men who enjoy sleeping in the morning and procrastinating in the evening will surely end up poor. Of course, the poor often have their ready excuses, but the facts of life are still the same.
A wise parent can be like Solomon to children. He can point out losers in life and the certain results that come when the Bible is not obeyed. Life can be the lesson guide for social studies in folly and wisdom. Son, do you see the shutters falling off that house? The owner intends to get to them, but he always finds a reason to wait. If he does not fix them soon, the house will eventually fall down, just like the Bible says (Eccl 10:18).

I need to get this off my chest, throwaway account for obvious reasons. (Looong post. Grab some wine and a snack.)
I feel like I've allowed myself to become a doormat and a fool and walked into a trap.
My DH and I have been together now for almost 12 years, got married 4 years ago. We have 1 son, 1 on the way and I am just so ashamed I even let this happen to me.
For starters, my husband and I live with my parents. My husband has a decent job, started his career while I went to college. The plan, or so I thought, was to finish college, he'd have a head start good paying career and we'd move when I graduated. Well, we got married right after I graduated college and that's when covid hit, about 6 months later. I had a small part time job at the time which ultimately I was fired from for downsizing during the covid chaos. This is when I started staying home. He swore up and down and convinced me "our" dream of me being a SAHM was a reality. I wouldn't have to work. It wouldn't effect anything for us bc my income was so incredibly low I didn't contribute financially anyway. Which was 100% true that wasn't a lie.
So, needless to say I didn't find another job and settled into at home life. Which I enjoyed 100%. I loved being in charge of the home. We did live with my parents still, I took on some of their chores and house work too. But the goal was still the same. To leave. The issue then was the market boomed (if you're from the US you know how insane it was) so we pushed back the plan to buy a home which at the time I thought was reasonable considering around the area we needed to live for his job was basically selling run down hoarder houses for no less than 250k. This was 2021.
During 2021 I fell pregnant. At the time I was thrilled despite the living situation. I was under the assumption we wouldn't be here long and tbh a FTM with a newborn, I liked the idea of having the help from my parents. I had my son, he's amazing. I love him and don't regret having him. However, as 2022 started I started pressuring my husband to move out. Get the ball rolling. To his credit he did find an agent, but started talking about how we didn't make enough. (Weird considering his job only got better during this time, housing stabilized a bit, and wtf you said we could do this?) At first I thought it might be cold feet. A newborn, turned infant, scared FTD, we got a lot of help in the early days from my parents. We had it easy to say the least.
I left the topic alone for a little, maybe a couple months and revisited it. He again started claiming we would need 200k in the bank, we would need at least 30k down, we would need this and that and basically saying it will never happen. I combats this argument. I grew up poor. Very poor actually. I'd start saying things like idk how you think my parents help us and helped my sister with her kids when they make significantly less than you do. And even my sister today has 6 kids and is a SAHM with a husband who makes 20-30k less a year. His ideas on how much people need to survive were wild to me. Of course I don't want to live poor, but we wouldn't be anyway. He had gotten a promotion. Unlimited over time whenever and if he wanted it. I was genuinely confused and he ignored my attempts at a realistic conversation about it. And again, WTF YOU SAID WE COULD DO THIS. Not only that but I do not spend money. I find deals, I shop around, etc. Again growing up poor you know how to make a dollar stretch a mile and it's just in me to do this. There is no way we can't make it work for our family. I even have a friend who has a son and her and her husband combined don't make as much as my husband. They are comfortable. Buying new cars, debt free, new cloths, trips etc.
I knew the market wasn't amazing still. I thought maybe it's bc he still sees houses for 250k+ and he just is scared to jump. I spoke to this agent and told her to send us over some houses lower than our initial target price point. There were some pretty decent houses. Cue me sending them over a few months and getting nothing but excuse after excuse. Or "I don't want to live there." Or "yeah but we'd have to renovate this or that" but also coupled with the confusing statement of "we can afford a 200k house why is she sending us these?" So it's turned into a cat and mouse game of. Can we not afford 200k? Or can we? What is going on?!?? When I asked him why he kept doing this flip flopping he used the amazingly dumb excuse of "well you deserve xyz" which is a cop-out in my opinion.
The end of 2022 hit, I started feeling stupid, defeated and worn out. I gave up. I just figured I'd learn to accept ill be the person who lives with their parents forever and my life will be hell with no privacy, nothing to call my own and in early 2023... oops. Pregnant. Again. On the pill. A cruel joke the universe had on me? Idk. I'm currently 22 weeks pregnant.
At this point we live in my parents (admittedly finished and nice) basement, no rooms. No doors. With a crib shoved in a corner for my son. No room to grow with a new baby on the way. My parents are while nice about it very much at their stage of life wanting to not have a bunch of baby things everywhere, so the basement is PACKED im constantly running into things, kicking toys around, I have no room and some how we have to fit another human being down here.
Currently my husband is STILL insisting we can't afford to move. He won't even entertain the idea of it anymore. And to top it all off, our marriage is in shambles. He routinely ignores any of my needs and wants. He constantly has a bad attitude. He is always annoyed, always running from reality and even my parents have noticed, even though I don't say anything about my marriage, how unhelpful, lazy and rude he has been. My mom has even said one night when he working overtime "well it's not like he helps you anyway." If he's home he sits on YouTube or plays video games and I'll be honest, I give up.
I feel like I have exhusted this topic to the point he refuses to engage with it. We barely speak about anything of value and I basically go about my day as If I was a single mom living with my parents and being THEIR live in maid. I feel betrayed. Like he sold me a lie. I feel stupid for even believing him. I feel trapped being unexpectedly pregnant. Idk what to do.
I have set up a therapy session for myself. I'm hoping this helps me just come to terms with everything and figure out my next steps and ultimately, idk. I just feel like I need someone to talk to about it so I signed up for it.
I feel trapped by an over grown toddler of a man who is simply living his best life rent free while his wife is miserable and cries alone at night trying not to wake her child. All bc I was too gullible in believing this man. Believed he'd be a provider. A good daddada great husbsnd. Now left with an embarrassing life and I'm so ashamed I'm bringing another child into this even if i will love them.
If you've made it this far, I appreciate you. Thank you for letting me vent. Idk anymore I feel fucking stupid. It's embarrassing to even post this anonymously.

This is the official end of the first Volume. Next week will begin Volume 2!
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Bennett was dead asleep in his hammock when he was roused by hushed whispers and the sound of activity echoed throughout the room, seemingly amplified by its cramped space.
“Ben.” A voice called out.
As the engineer slowly opened a singular eye, he found himself struggling to make sense of the situation. A figure was just a few meters away from him, rifling through a bag when they turned around and faced him. However, Bennetts groggy state prevented him from fully discerning who or what was responsible for the disruption.
“Ben, wake up.” The voice called out one more time.
Scowling in irritation, Bennett chose to ignore the voice and flipped over, burying his face into the hammock's fabric. He was determined to get back to sleep, even as the voice grew more insistent and the room's activity continued.
“Ben, wake the fuck up!” The voice finally yelled.
Suddenly, Bennett found himself suspended in the air, his groggy state replaced with fear and anxiety as he was forcefully yanked out of his hammock. He tried to process what was happening, but before he could comprehend the situation, he felt the cold embrace of the hardwood floor.
THUD
“Argh! Fuck!” The Engineer groaned as he slowly lifted himself up off the ground. "You goddamn asshole!" Bennett snapped, his voice hoarse from the mixture of pain and anger.
Standing over Bennett with a cackling Fairy on his shoulder, Elijah decided he wasn’t going to wait for the stubborn man to get up on his own. "It's time to get up," Elijah said, turning around to continue sifting through his bag. "We got a lot of shit to do before we leave, and I can't afford to have you sleeping in."
Bennett’s glare shifted between his captain and his sadistic partner. "Fine, fine. I'm up," he grumbled, rubbing his sore back. He knew Elijah was right, but that didn't make the sudden wake-up call any less infuriating. Yana, on the other hand, seemed to be enjoying Bennett's misery, her laughter ringing in his ears.
THUD
Pulling out his remaining Bioscanner, Elijah began running diagnostics on the device, ensuring it was in working order for when he delivered it to Salvanius. It was a trade that he was loathing, but it was a trade he would make 1000 times if given the chance to get the rest of their equipment back. Even if they only managed to find a quarter of their property, that was still a lot better than having nothing at all.
As the Bioscanner's display indicated the device was functioning optimally, Elijah let out a small depressed sigh and slid it into his pocket. "Alright, let's get this over with," he said, opening the door and stepping out into the dimly lit corridor. Bennett followed, still grumbling under his breath about the hostile work environment while shifting his stink eye at both Yana and Elijah.
THUD
“GOD DAMNIT!!” Bennett yelled, rubbing his head after hitting the top of the door frame.
He had completely forgotten how cramped everything was on this wooden death trap and how he had to crouch throughout the entire interior. Frustration and annoyance etched on his face, Bennett muttered a string of curses under his breath as he adjusted his posture to avoid the low ceilings and narrow passageways.
“Midgets…” The Engineer sneered as he heard Elijah snicker father up ahead.
It only took a few moments for Elijah and Bennett to reach the deck, and there they observed Rhea efficiently issuing orders to the ship's sailors. Her authoritative voice rang out over the hustle and bustle of the ship’s crew, who were quickly scurrying about, securing ropes and checking supplies. What really caught their attention, though, was Rhea was finally out of her armor.
Adorned in a faded white linen long-sleeved shirt, Rhea left her chest straps slightly undone, revealing a hint of her modest, but alluring cleavage. The Knight Captain’s slim, athletic figure was displayed in stark contrast to the thick padding underneath the metal armor she normally wore. To accentuate her figure, the tight brown linen pants she wore hugged her humbly, but satisfyingly shapely curves and seamlessly tucked into her leather boots. The outfit, deceptively sultry, effortlessly exuded a sense of casual confidence and undeniable charm.
Turning her head slight, the Knight Captain finally noticed the two Humans and acknowledged them with a nod. “Good morning Sir Elijah, Sir Bennett and…” She made a difficult face when her eyes locked onto Yana.
“Your Honor will do!” The Fairy said in a chipper voice, crossing her legs. “I am both a Goddess and a confirmed Eternal Judge of the Fae courts!”
Rhea’s expression turned sour for a moment, but decided it was best not to engage any further with the mischievous Vanir. "Very well, good morning Your Honor," Rhea replied, forcing a polite smile. "We're running a bit late, but we should be ready to set sail in just a few hours.”
Elijah raised an eyebrow at the small fairy at the mention of being a confirmed judge, but shifted his attention back towards Rhea and nodded in understanding. "We'll be ready whenever you are," he said with his eyes traveling up her entire figure attire before refocusing on her face. "Just give us the signal when it's time to set sail." .
“I’m assuming the northern woman is still asleep?” The Knight Captain asked, tilting her head curiously.
Seeing her long elf ears bounce up and down seemed to be the final straw for Elijah, as an unbidden and almost adolescent fascination welled up within him. He blinked a few times, trying to regain his composure before replying. "Uh, yeah, she’s still asleep," Elijah finally responded, exhaling deeply. "We’ve been up for almost 36 hours, so I think it's best to let her rest for a while longer." he replied, trying to maintain a professional demeanor despite the lingering fascination with her elf ears.
Bennett narrowed his eyes in annoyance as he regarded his captain with a disgusted look. "Can you control yourself?" he asked with a judgmental tone.
Also noticing Elijah’s basically ogling her, Rhea couldn't help but laugh at the exchange while running a hand through her hair. "I'm glad to see at least someone finds me attractive," she said, her cheeks tinted with a slight blush. Elijah cleared his throat, trying to regain some semblance of dignity as he shifted his gaze away from her.
"Ah... My apologies, Lady Rhea, but I was caught off guard," Elijah said, giving her a genuine smile. "I wasn’t prepared for the famed Knight Captain to be so beautiful out of her armor. It's a pleasant surprise, to say the least."
Rhea found herself momentarily speechless as her cheeks flushing a deep shade of red. She wasn't used to receiving compliments, let alone being called beautiful by someone as striking as Elijah. A small, bashful smile tugged at the corners of her lips as she looked down to hide her embarrassment. "Well… I, um… Thank you, Sir Elijah.” she managed to say, her voice uncharacteristically timid. “I appreciate the kind words."
Noticing the usually confident and stern Knight Captain was completely flustered, Elijah knew she was on the backfoot and went for blood. “You’re more than welcome Lady Rhea,” he responded, bowing his head. “I was just saying it how I see it—”
"Yana, zap him!" Bennett ordered, sensing that Elijah was about to push his luck too far.
The mischievous fairy didn't hesitate, and with a magical pop, she immediately shifted forms, transforming the fiery inferno atop her head into a flowing teal, wind that cascaded past her shoulders. After her transformation, a maniacal grin spread across her face as she clutched two fistfuls of Elijah's hair.
“AHH FUCK!” Elijah yelped in pain.
A light chuckle escaped Rhea's lips as she watched the scene play out before her, momentarily pushing aside her embarrassment and wariness of the group. Their playful antics, though unprofessional, stirred a sense of lighthearted camaraderie she hadn't experienced in years. The thrill of exploring the unknown alongside trusted friends had been lost to her ever since she joined Salvanius' Order. The organization's rigid structure and hierarchy had dampened her once-adventurous spirit, and witnessing Elijah's crew sparked a touch of envy within her.
Yana, still grinning mischievously, finally released her grip on Elijah's hair. The man, now fuming with anger, made a hasty attempt to snatch her out of the air, but the nimble fairy easily dodged his grasp, giggling all the while.
"I'm going to kill the both of you!" Elijah yelled, glaring at both Yana and Bennett. His frustration only caused more laughter from the fairy and an amused smirk from Bennett, who crossed his arms and leaned back against the railing.
"Come now, Sir Elijah, there's no need for violence," Rhea interjected while covering her mouth in a poor attempt to hide her own laughter. "I'm sure you can find it in your heart to forgive their little prank.” She continued, adjusting her hair that was flowing in the wind. “We’re going to spend a few long days sailing if we’re going to catch up with them, after all.”
Glancing back at her crew, Rhea's face returned to its usual stern expression when she noticed the sailors gawking and whispering amongst themselves. It was evident that her momentary display of mirth had taken them by surprise, as they rarely saw their Knight Captain in such a lighthearted state.
"What in the name of Tylas are you all gawking at!?" She roared, placing her hands firmly on her hips “GET BACK TO WORK!”
Rhea's eyes narrowed as the scrambling crew members hastily returned to their tasks, their faces pale with fear. The ship's atmosphere instantly shifted back to its usual disciplined state as the sailors focused on their duties, aware that their Knight Captain's gaze was upon them.
Elijah let out an annoyed sigh in the realization that he was probably never going to catch that little psychopath and shifted his gaze to Bennett. “I’m gonna get you.” He hissed hatefully. “Mark my words, you piece of shit.” However, Bennett merely smirked in response, clearly unfazed by his captain's threats.
Just as Elijah was about to ask the Knight Captain about the whereabouts of her liege, the man himself appeared on deck. Salvanius came sauntering up the planks that connected the ship to the docks, his imposing figure drawing the attention of everyone present.
"It's quite rare to hear you so jovial, Rhea," the Demigod remarked, a faint smile tugging at the corners of his lips. Rhea, slightly taken aback by her liege's observation, straightened her posture and cleared her throat.
"My apologies, your grace," she replied respectfully, attempting to regain her usual composure. "I shall see to it that this Cog is ready to depart, post haste."
Salvanius waved a dismissive hand, his expression softening slightly. "There's no need to apologize, Rhea. It's good to see you enjoying yourself, even if just for a moment. However, you are correct; our guest would most likely appreciate departing as soon as possible."
With that, Rhea nodded and began barking orders to her crew, ensuring that everything was in order for their imminent departure.
Turning to his guests, Salvanius addressed them with an air of authority. "I assume you two have the magical tool..." He paused, recalling the events that transpired the previous day. "I mean, the tool. Is it ready?"
The two Human’s exchanged glances before Elijah stepped forward, pulling out the bioscanner from his pocket. "You’re not going to be able to understand it, but I’ve configured it in a way where you can still get a lot of functionality without having to read." he explained, holding the device out for Salvanius to see.
Time flew as Elijah went into an in depth explanation of the bioscanner's functions and features. He walked Salvanius through everything all the way from disease diagnosis to health monitoring and treatments. With each new feature the human listed seemed to make Salvanius’ jaw drop lower and lower until he found himself looking like a fool.
"And finally, if a red tube with a bolt of lightning ever just starts flashing, all you have to do is flip it over so these panels face the star and just wait," Elijah explained, pointing at the bright orb in the morning sky as he showed the Demigod the solar panels. "It's designed to recharge itself using starlight, so you'll never have to worry about finding a power source."
Salvanius' eyes widened even further, if that were possible. "Astounding," he breathed, clearly impressed. "And you’re just willing to give this to me…?"
“Eh.” Elijah shrugged dismissively. “I have augments- I mean I can already do most of that stuff other than a few things, so it’s mainly just redundant fail safe incase I’m away or dead.”
A complicated expression spread across Salvanius' face as Elijah mentioned that the device was merely a redundancy measure in case of his absence. Suddenly the prospect of having this man as a retainer became much, MUCH more appealing. However, his thoughts were soon interrupted when the Vanir made its appearance by landing squarely on Elijah’s shoulder while glaring daggers at the Demigod.
Salvanius met Yana's gaze and sighed, dispelling the intrusive and dishonorable thoughts of taking these Artificers for himself.
“I understand.” The demigod said, turning his focus back to Elijah. “The Holy Dominion will not forget this grace you’ve bestowed upon us.” He gave a grateful nod before spinning around and heading towards the dock.
However, he soon came to a halt as his eyes fell upon a group of women arguing with his knights at the ramp leading to the ship. The women seemed intent on gaining access to the ship, their arms laden with various items, including several sizable platters of food.
“W-Wait! I-I was instructed to board!” A slim and fearful redhead said, holding a large burlap sack.
Something felt… Off about her.
It was almost as if Salvanius could recognize the woman, even though he was fairly certain he hadn't met her before. Then again, he had met a great number of people in this damned village, but his instincts kept nudging him to take a closer look. But his thoughts were interrupted when he recognized the Beastkin woman and the gaggle of Ferfolk slaves next to her.
"What do ye mean we ain't allowed entry!? I gotta deliver me gratitude before it's too late!" the dog-like woman bellowed, her voice full of frustration and urgency.
An amused huff left Salvanius’ mouth before looking over his shoulder. “I do believe you have guests.” The Demigod said before making his way down the plank.
“Let them through.” He said to his knights, waving his hand dismissively as he walked past the group.
The knights obeyed without hesitation and stepped aside allowing the gaggle of women to board the ship. "Thank ye, yer grace," The dog-like woman bowed deeply before her and the Ferfolk ran up the ramp.
As Elijah approached at the edge of the ship , confusion spread across his face as Mara suddenly appeared with her renowned tubers in hand. The woman stopped a good distance away, staring intently at the man, attempting to gauge his reaction and determine whether he would be receptive to her presence. Seeing he was just staring at her impassively, Mara gathered her courage, and stepped forward with a warm smile.
"I... I wanted to give ye this as a token of me gratitude…” She said shyly. “Ye know, for everything ye done for us."
Elijah's eyes flicked between Mara and the tubers, his confusion slowly melting away into a wry smile as he flicked his hand in a beckoning motion. The action caused Mara’s Shyness to completely dissipate as she bounded forward and handed him the tubers with enthusiasm. "You really didn't have to, but thank you," Elijah said, accepting the gift.
Mara beamed at his response, clearly relieved. "It's the least I could do!” She said, with her tail wagging vigorously. “I couldn’t bear the thought of not makin’ amends with ye.”
Turning around, Elijah handed this plate of tubers to the salivating Engineer and watched as Yana bolted off his shoulder in an attempt to attack the pile of food. Shaking his head, Elijah turned back to Mara and the group of women with a bemused expression. "Hopefully they’ll leave me some," he commented.
“Ye can always come back and get more.” Mara replied with a coy. “I’ll let ye have all the service ye want.”
A chuckle escaped Elijah’s mouth as he ran a hand through his hair. "I might just take you up on that," he said with a smirk. "Your food isn’t the only thing I’m going to miss."
Mara's cheeks flushed deeply at Elijah's reply, her tail wagging even faster as she tried to play it cool. "Well, I'll be sure to make myself available whenever ye are in need of some company," she replied, propping up her supple chest.
Elijah couldn't help but let his eyes wander for a moment before meeting Mara's gaze again, a lopsided grin playing at the corners of his mouth. "I'll… keep that in mind as long as you promise not to try to get me killed again." he replied with a goofy tone that made the dog-girl giggle.
“So all I need to do is spread my legs if I’m ever in need of your forgiveness?” Azelines voice rang out from behind him as the blond Elf woman emerged from the ship still rubbing the sleepiness from her eyes.
With a mouth full of fried tubers, Bennett decided to chime in. “I told him his dick is going to eventually get him killed.” He said, beckoning the Ferfolks to place the other platters on a nearby box.
Bringing a hand up to press against his eyes, Elijah let out an annoyed groan before turning his attention towards the two. “Why do you have to make this weird?” He asked in exasperation. "It’s all about sincerity.”
Bennett snickered, shoving another tuber into his mouth. "Ah yes. You hear that Aze?” He continued in a mocking tone while elbowing Azeline in the ribs. “You need to put more effort in your apologies!"
Azeline smirked, her teasing nature starting to leak out. "Is that so? I guess I’ll make sure any future apologies come with… an appropriate amount of sincerity and effort." She said, striking a pose that was more satirical than seductive.
“Jesus Christ…” Elijah muttered under his breath while his two crewmates broke out into laughter. “I hate both of you.”
The laughter continued after successfully eliciting an annoyed response from their beleaguered captain. However, a quiet seemed to take over the deck as everyone's attention shifted towards the approaching Knight Captain. "So that's the type of man you are, Sir Eli-jah" Rhea remarked with a raised eyebrow. "I'll bear that in mind when you try to charm me with your honeyed words."
“Oh god damnit…” Elijah facepalmed and dragged his hand down his face as another roar of laughter erupted from everyone in the group.
Rhea’s hand was covering her mouth as she tried to suppress a chuckle. “A-Anyways…” She chortled. “We should be ready to sail any moment now, so make sure you’re all prepared for departure.” The woman said, walking off in the direction of the Helm while her shoulders shook in mirth.
Elijah just stood there for a moment, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Where the hell is Auri?” He asked no one in particular, his frustration starting to show.
“A-Ahh… H-Hello.”
Recognizing the voice, Elijah looked up to see a petite woman with bright red hair looking up at him expectantly while holding onto a large burlap sack. Glad to see that he at least didn’t have to go hunting for the dainty woman, Elijah let loose a heavy breath of relief. “Alright, I’ll go tell Lady Rhea-” He tried to say, but Auri interrupted him.
Auri squirmed nervously before asking, "Umm… Should I be worried that you also have designs on me?"
“Oh for fucks sake!” Elijah threw his arms up and let them slap against his thighs in frustration as the rest of the crew barked in laughter. "Let’s just go already!”
Yana however, completely ignored the incessant bickering and Instead, she hungrily finished off one of the smaller platters of tubers and chomped down on the last tiny morsel on the wooden plate. Sighing Contentedly, the Fairy’s gaze fell upon Mara and her small group of Ferfolks as they said their goodbyes and disappeared from view. In their stead, the more fidgety whelping appeared, the one who always seemed to look at Ben and Eli with eager eyes. Although this man seemed far weaker than his sibling, he at least displayed a measure of reverence towards her servants.
Turning her head up towards the clear blue sky, Yana placed a hand on her tiny belly and sighed contentedly. She couldn't wait to see what other delightful mortal delicacies or fanciful experiences she would get to experience in the future.
​
[First] [Previous] [Next]

Essendon could join the chase for Carlton ruckman Tom De Koning, but might struggle to keep a young big man of its own. Plus why the Cats won’t land Sean Darcy.
https://www.codesports.com.au/afl/trade-hq/afl-trade-news-what-sean-darcy-contract-talks-mean-for-ruck-merrygoround/news-story/d7fe7f4d0b1f576da9b18e489095d853
Sean Darcy’s hamstring tear against Melbourne allowed Luke Jackson to take over against his old side while sparking a frenzy of speculation about the Dockers trading their No.1 ruckman.
As it happened, it also delayed a discussion that would have stopped that talk in its tracks.
Darcy had been set for talks with the Dockers and his management about a long-term extension on the contract that makes him a free agent at the end of 2024.
Those talks across Fremantle’s round 12 bye have been pushed back a couple of weeks as he gets some rest and relaxation before a big second half of the season.
As clubs across the competition try to work through how to establish an elite ruck department, the Dockers will lock away Darcy for the long-term.
For all the pre-season talk of Jackson stifling Darcy’s influence, the opposite has occurred.
As the Dockers attempted to give Lloyd Meek game time last year, Darcy averaged 64 ruck contests a game playing 87 per cent ruck and 13 per cent forward.
This season in rounds 1-10, alongside Jackson, he averaged 73 ruck contests and a 90-10 ruck forward split.
Jackson might thrive as the No.1 ruckman at times, but he was well aware when he came to Fremantle as a 21-year-old that playing alongside Darcy was the perfect way to extend his career.
And it would give Fremantle the best chance of success as he mixed rucking with a hybrid midfield role and the forward responsibility that has seen him kick six goals in the Dockers’ four-win streak (and 13.10 for the season).
So the Darcy-to-Geelong narrative won’t happen for the former Cobden man mountain as rivals look elsewhere.
Tom De Koning would have to sacrifice ruck opportunities and money to stay at Carlton, which seems increasingly unlikely.
The talks scheduled for the bye will likely drift until the end of the season as Geelong, St Kilda and Sydney chase the 23-year-old.
If he stayed it would be as the Blues’ No.2 ruckman and No.3 forward, even as his one-out ruck performance against Melbourne showed he was capable of holding down the ruck.
Last Friday’s clash against Max Gawn and Brodie Grundy was his highest-rated game for the year with 13 hitouts to advantage and two intercept marks.
If he did stay at Carlton it would be out of loyalty to the club that drafted him, and his strong mateship with his teammates.
Like Carlton, Geelong might pay him only $600,000 a season.
But the Cats can promise him the No.1 ruck position, plus a complimentary role in attack when 34-year-old Tom Hawkins eventually retires.
St Kilda can’t offer him the No.1 ruck job ahead of Rowan Marshall, but it can offer him the No.2 forward role behind Max King, with Tim Membrey 29 and currently playing VFL after a poor season with a long-running knee issue.
Essendon might throw its hat into the ring but ruckman Sam Draper is in front of him, Andrew Phillips is the in-form back-up and the Bombers might battle to hold onto third-in-line Nick Bryan.
Bryan is only contracted to the end of the season, is eager for opportunity after only one AFL game this year and is putting up massive VFL numbers to disprove theories he is only a tap ruckman without a well-rounded game.
In five VFL games this year he has averaged 134 SuperCoach points, 19 disposals, 32 hitouts, 12 hitouts to advantage, five clearances and six score involvements.
If Essendon doesn’t give him more chances – and it is trying – then a rival team will.
Meanwhile, GWS has been desperately trying to find a successor for Shane Mumford and hoped Braydon Preuss might be their man.
Yet out of the Preuss-Matt Flynn-Kieren Briggs battle, Briggs has emerged as footy’s in-form ruckman in the past three weeks.
Only just winning selection in round 10 after strong VFL form, he has been footy’s biggest surprise packet.
He was the second-highest rated player on the ground against St Kilda, the highest rated against Geelong (eight clearances, seven HTAs) and the second-highest against Richmond (two goals, six clearances).
It is early days but if he can maintain the rage at just 23 years of age, Adam Kingsley’s search for Mummy 2.0 is over.
At Port Adelaide Scott Lycett is uncontracted but back in favour, at Richmond Ivan Soldo is injured but well behind Toby Nankervis, while Nic Naitanui’s season is over with uncertainty about whether he plays on.
So Fremantle’s Darcy will be taken off the board for rival clubs, and yet it will only increase the currency of the likes of De Koning, Bryan and Lycett in a game where teams prefer to poach ruckmen rather than develop them.

Trigger Warning: Stillbirth, miscarriage, IVF
I'll start with the old cliche - long time lurker, first time poster. So thank you to anyone who reads and/or comments, and hopefully my current story may help in some way. I have just added anything that may be relevant.
I'm a 37 year old Australian female, with a history of endometriosis and cysts that ran up and down my the outside of my fallopian tubes. Unfortunately, those cysts started twisting, turning blue and bursting, which caused horrific and debilitating pain. I was in my early 20's when this first started occurring. This led me on a six year journey (unfortunately I encountered a lot of dismissive doctors - 'It's just period pain'), before an incredible gynaecologist organised a laparoscopy for me immediately, and she discovered extensive endometriosis and the cysts. She lanced and burnt her way through like an epic warrior, inserted a Mirena, and my quality of life improved instantly with no complications.
Fast forward to me at 32 and TTC with my partner. Fortunately, it only took us 3 months to see those glorious double lines on a pregnancy test. I had a blissful (and quite ignorant) pregnancy, welcoming our daughter at 39 weeks with an uncomplicated, spontaneous vaginal labour. My daughter was quite light at 2.6kg, but long at 51cm. I remember the midwife inquiring as to whether I smoked whilst looking at the placenta. I used too, but hadn't in 8 years. She shrugged and being that I had just laboured and we had a healthy, albeit light, baby in our arms, we didn't think anything else of it. My daughter thrived and is now a four year old ball of gorgeousness that we are so grateful for.
When Number 1 was about 16 months, we conceived our second child - very quickly might I add! One weekend of fun and the deal was done. Lucky us! Once again, a very unremarkable, straightforward pregnancy. Until it wasn't. At 35.5 weeks, I went to the the hairdresser, returned home and realised I hadn't felt her kick for a while - she was another little girl. Number 2 was much more of a kicker and squirmer than Number 1, so I knew something wasn't right. Later that night at the hospital, those horrendous, life-altering words were said, 'There is no heartbeat'. I delivered her vaginally, a far more physically gruelling and emotional labour than my first. Unfortunately, we have never had any definitive answers as to why there was a partial placenta abruption - her autopsy revealed that she was utterly perfect anyway. She was the same weight and height as her sister at 35.5 weeks. It was discovered that I have a prothrombin mutation that makes my blood a little more prone to clotting. However, we've been told that this condition can either affect pregnancies or not (hence Number 1 doing so well). The strongest theory is that perhaps a clot did disrupt the umbilical cord/placenta, but no one can say for sure with the lack of evidence.
Those of you who are sadly in the baby loss club (but don't want to be of course) will know what that grief journey looks like after the rug has been pulled out from under you and your life splinters into this new world thay you have to suddenly adapt too. I won't get too bogged down here except for this - I see you. I see your baby. I see your loss and I am so sorry you have to live the rest of your life with that complexity of emotions and longing for your little one. You are an incredible human being and I send you all the virtual love 💜
Nearly six months after our loss, we began trying again. After 5 months and no positive, we turned to IVF. I was aware of my age and I didn't want to wait after we had previously been so lucky with two quick conceptions. The fertility doctor had me do a HyCoSy scan to check my tubes, before we began an IVF cycle. Low and behold, that scan was therapeutic as we become pregnant naturally on my next cycle! We were ecstatic that we didn't even have to begin IVF but also incredibly trepidatious of being pregnant again in general. As part of my stillbirth interventions for pregnancy, I immediately started injecting Clexane (a blood thinner) to avoid any potential clotting issues.
At 8 weeks, I began violently miscarrying at work. Due to the Clexane, there was a huge amount of blood and a lot of very large clots. Over the course of 2½ weeks, I was in and out of hospital every couple of days with extremely heavy bleeding. At the end of that period, I finally passed my baby and had a D&C. Salt to the wound is an understatement. The anger, grief, devastation, guilt, etc., of having to endure another loss after we had already been so awfully robbed, was just horrendous. Our fertility doctor let us know the 1 in 4 figures for miscarriage and that it was likely a chromosomal issue. Great.
Two months later, I had another laparoscopy to remove a small amount of endometriosis. Two months after that, I was injecting hormone stimulants for my first round for an IVF egg retrieval. We got 7 eggs, 4 fertilised, and 2 blastocysts but they could not be biopsied for chromosomal issues unfortunately. Our doctor believes that the low egg count could be endometriosis related, as my egg reserves are average for my age. Frustratingly, our egg transfer was delayed due to the Christmas break, then we had Covid for a second time and it was delayed even further. Finally, we had the transfer - one blastocyst did not survive the thawing process, the other failed to implant.
After reading even more, eating even better than I did before, starting reformer pilates three times a week and taking all the vitamins/supplements (for him too), I recently had another egg retrieval: 6 eggs, 1 fertilised, 1 blastocyst that could not be biopsied. What. The. Actual. Fuck. Here we are, the healthiest we have ever been, no caffeine, no booze and we get such a poor fertilisation rate? It has perplexed the fertility doctor and lab techs. We have talked about interventions for next time (adding calcium to the culture medium), if this little eggo doesn't a) survive the thawing process, b) doesn't implant, c) implants but miscarries, or d) implants but ends up stillborn - I sincerely hope not for those latter two.
So this is where I am currently at - prepping for my second egg transfer that should hopefully happen next week or early the week after. I guess I have written this essay (apologies about that!), to seek any input really - does anything in my story resonate with yours? Tales of hope? The reality of hope being stomped on? Have you been down the IVF path and it didn't work? It's only been two and half years since Number 2 was taken from us and we started this whole journey, but I'm exhausted and feeling a but indifferent about it all. It honestly feels like we have so much more bad outweigh the good, that how on earth could this little eggo even make it?
Thank you for reading and hearing me out. Love to you all ❤️
(I have posted on Baby Loss and IVF subreddits)

Trigger Warning: Stillbirth, miscarriage, IVF
I'll start with the old cliche - long time lurker, first time poster. So thank you to anyone who reads and/or comments, and hopefully my current story may help in some way. I have just added anything that may be relevant.
I'm a 37 year old Australian female, with a history of endometriosis and cysts that ran up and down my the outside of my fallopian tubes. Unfortunately, those cysts started twisting, turning blue and bursting, which caused horrific and debilitating pain. I was in my early 20's when this first started occurring. This led me on a six year journey (unfortunately I encountered a lot of dismissive doctors - 'It's just period pain'), before an incredible gynaecologist organised a laparoscopy for me immediately, and she discovered extensive endometriosis and the cysts. She lanced and burnt her way through like an epic warrior, inserted a Mirena, and my quality of life improved instantly with no complications.
Fast forward to me at 32 and TTC with my partner. Fortunately, it only took us 3 months to see those glorious double lines on a pregnancy test. I had a blissful (and quite ignorant) pregnancy, welcoming our daughter at 39 weeks with an uncomplicated, spontaneous vaginal labour. My daughter was quite light at 2.6kg, but long at 51cm. I remember the midwife inquiring as to whether I smoked whilst looking at the placenta. I used too, but hadn't in 8 years. She shrugged and being that I had just laboured and we had a healthy, albeit light, baby in our arms, we didn't think anything else of it. My daughter thrived and is now a four year old ball of gorgeousness that we are so grateful for.
When Number 1 was about 16 months, we conceived our second child - very quickly might I add! One weekend of fun and the deal was done. Lucky us! Once again, a very unremarkable, straightforward pregnancy. Until it wasn't. At 35.5 weeks, I went to the the hairdresser, returned home and realised I hadn't felt her kick for a while - she was another little girl. Number 2 was much more of a kicker and squirmer than Number 1, so I knew something wasn't right. Later that night at the hospital, those horrendous, life-altering words were said, 'There is no heartbeat'. I delivered her vaginally, a far more physically gruelling and emotional labour than my first. Unfortunately, we have never had any definitive answers as to why there was a partial placenta abruption - her autopsy revealed that she was utterly perfect anyway. She was the same weight and height as her sister at 35.5 weeks. It was discovered that I have a prothrombin mutation that makes my blood a little more prone to clotting. However, we've been told that this condition can either affect pregnancies or not (hence Number 1 doing so well). The strongest theory is that perhaps a clot did disrupt the umbilical cord/placenta, but no one can say for sure with the lack of evidence.
Those of you who are sadly in the baby loss club (but don't want to be of course) will know what that grief journey looks like after the rug has been pulled out from under you and your life splinters into this new world thay you have to suddenly adapt too. I won't get too bogged down here except for this - I see you. I see your baby. I see your loss and I am so sorry you have to live the rest of your life with that complexity of emotions and longing for your little one. You are an incredible human being and I send you all the virtual love 💜
Nearly six months after our loss, we began trying again. After 5 months and no positive, we turned to IVF. I was aware of my age and I didn't want to wait after we had previously been so lucky with two quick conceptions. The fertility doctor had me do a HyCoSy scan to check my tubes, before we began an IVF cycle. Low and behold, that scan was therapeutic as we become pregnant naturally on my next cycle! We were ecstatic that we didn't even have to begin IVF but also incredibly trepidatious of being pregnant again in general. As part of my stillbirth interventions for pregnancy, I immediately started injecting Clexane (a blood thinner) to avoid any potential clotting issues.
At 8 weeks, I began violently miscarrying at work. Due to the Clexane, there was a huge amount of blood and a lot of very large clots. Over the course of 2½ weeks, I was in and out of hospital every couple of days with extremely heavy bleeding. At the end of that period, I finally passed my baby and had a D&C. Salt to the wound is an understatement. The anger, grief, devastation, guilt, etc., of having to endure another loss after we had already been so awfully robbed, was just horrendous. Our fertility doctor let us know the 1 in 4 figures for miscarriage and that it was likely a chromosomal issue. Great.
Two months later, I had another laparoscopy to remove a small amount of endometriosis. Two months after that, I was injecting hormone stimulants for my first round for an IVF egg retrieval. We got 7 eggs, 4 fertilised, and 2 blastocysts but they could not be biopsied for chromosomal issues unfortunately. Our doctor believes that the low egg count could be endometriosis related, as my egg reserves are average for my age. Frustratingly, our egg transfer was delayed due to the Christmas break, then we had Covid for a second time and it was delayed even further. Finally, we had the transfer - one blastocyst did not survive the thawing process, the other failed to implant.
After reading even more, eating even better than I did before, starting reformer pilates three times a week and taking all the vitamins/supplements (for him too), I recently had another egg retrieval: 6 eggs, 1 fertilised, 1 blastocyst that could not be biopsied. What. The. Actual. Fuck. Here we are, the healthiest we have ever been, no caffeine, no booze and we get such a poor fertilisation rate? It has perplexed the fertility doctor and lab techs. We have talked about interventions for next time (adding calcium to the culture medium), if this little eggo doesn't a) survive the thawing process, b) doesn't implant, c) implants but miscarries, or d) implants but ends up stillborn - I sincerely hope not for those latter two.
So this is where I am currently at - prepping for my second egg transfer that should hopefully happen next week or early the week after. I guess I have written this essay (apologies about that!), to seek any input really - does anything in my story resonate with yours? Tales of hope? The reality of hope being stomped on? Have you been down the IVF path and it didn't work? It's only been two and half years since Number 2 was taken from us and we started this whole journey, but I'm exhausted and feeling a but indifferent about it all. It honestly feels like we have so much more bad outweigh the good, that how on earth could this little eggo even make it?
Thank you for reading and hearing me out. Love to you all ❤️
(I have posted on both Baby Loss and IVF subreddits)

Chapter V

Two Kinslayers

"Has anything changed?"
The man, if he could thought of as a man, was covered in black robes. He refused to wear anything else, murmuring in his foreign language at every word, move or sound of others.
"Is he any better?"
As good as us, Lews Therin said. He's a killer, like I am.
Shut up.
Alanna and Verin both inspected him. Looking up, Rand noticed Mat, Aviendha and the Maidens of the Spear were all terrified of him. The Aiel women did their best to hide it, but he still saw it in their faces.
"Moriñgotho." the man said. "Moriñgotho enutúlie." The word "Moriñgotho" was the one he kept repeating all the time.
"He is..." Verin said bewildered, staring at him still. "He is...fine. There is nothing wrong about him. His body is completely healthy. No scars, no wound...he is completely fine."
Alanna touched his head. "Light! It's the opposite. His body is stronger than any of us. He is in better shape than anyone I've ever seen."
"Eru apseni. Ilúvatar, apseni. "
"He is stronger. Taller. Healthier than anyone I had ever seen."
Rand nodded, looking down at the man. He was still shaking and murmuring. He was not looking at any of them or anything at all. His grey eyes were completely absent. Rand barely needed to even lean to touch the man - even when sitting, his head and shoulders were close to Rand's. Rand removed his thick black hair, in his hand feeling it very smooth, looking at his ears. "Pointy? He has pointy ears?"
"Yes." Verin said, looking at the other one. "I don't understand it either." His ears were not slightly pointed: rather both ears were noticeably longer than of any ordinary man. Not abnormaly so, but noticeably. "Maybe he was just born that way."
"If he was born at all." Mat added.
The Aes Sedai looked at him, visibly irritated, with Alanna biting her lip. "And why exactly are you questioning that?"
"Why? Oh, I have no idea. Maybe because he fell from the bloody sky?"
"Cauthon!"
"Stop!" That was all Rand needed to say to convince them. Shutting up an Aes Sedai or Mat was an impossible task sometimes.
"Moriñgotho." the man continued. "Moriñgotho."
"Is he speaking real words or is he just...stuttering?"
Like you, maybe? Lews Therin chuckled.
Verin did not answer immediately. She kept listening to him for a while. "Those are real words. But..."
"But what?"
"I don't know what language it is, Rand." she said bluntly. "And I don't think anyone in the world does."
"Moriñgotho. Moriñgotho."
"That word he is repeating." Aviendha said. "Maybe it is his name?"
Rand looked at the man again. He was repeating that word all the time, yes - but he did so with terror. It seemed like he said it always as quickly as possible, just to end it. "No. It's not a name. Not his at least."
"How do you know?"
"I do." Aviendha and the Maidens rumbled about "wetlanders" when he said that. He placed the hand on his shoulder, slightly shaking him. "Listen to me..."
"Moriñgotho. Moriñgotho." he said. "Morikotto. Morkotho?" He looked at them once, as if waiting to be corrected, but then continued... "Moringotto. Moriñgotho."
He's lost his mind, Rand thought. Is he a channeler? And yet somehow, Rand doubted that was the case.
"What do we do with him?" Mat asked. "He needs help."
"And what do you want us to do, Cauthon?"
"Heal him."
Verin scoffed. "From what? Have you heard what we said? There is nothing wrong with him."
"Light, woman, he is mad! Rumbling the same thing over and over again!"
"Morkotho. Moriñgotho. Morgotto? Morikotto."
"You can Heal him, can't you?"
Alanna was frustrated with Mat's tone, but she felt Rand's answer to that. Just try if you dare. She bit her lip. "One Power can heal all wounds of the body, Cauthon. All except death itself. That is true. But no one, not even in the Age of Legends, was ever able to heal any mental illness or insanity itself. That is impossible. At most the Compulsion can be reversed, but that is all."
Mat looked at him. "Rand?"
Rand just shook his head. Lews Therin remembered some type of Healing of the mind, but... It came from him, not the Creator. You are still mad, though.
Mat kept looking back at the man. "We can't just leave him."
"And what will we do, Mat?" Rand asked him, almost deciding to turn back. "We cannot help everyone." Curse me, but we cannot.
Davram Bashere looked at the man, then at Rand again. "With all due respect, Lord Dragon, everyone saw him fall from the sky. Not only that, but people have said they saw a bright falling star moments before he fell."
"And you think he is that star?" Of all people, Rand never expected Bashere to be superstituos.
"If the possibilities are that narrow?" he shrugged. "I honestly do."
Rand clicked his tongue. And they say male channelers are mad.
"Rand al'Thor." Aviendha said. "No one is lying here. We all saw the star falling."
"Suppose you are all right." He played with buttons on his sleeve. "Let us say there was a star that fell and he was there when it did. Doesn't mean at all he needs to be that star."
Alanna felt frustrated, Rand returning that emotion.
"Rand, look at him!" Mat pointed at the man. "Does he look like an ordinary man to you? And we are all telling you - he fell from the sky!"
"If you do not trust us," Aviendha said. "ask the others in the city."
"The Pattern, Rand." Verin said. "Whoever or whatever he is, the Pattern brought him here."
"And how do you know that?"
"How?" Verin scratched her chin. "Well, I am just an Aes Sedai, after all. However, I seem to remember people do not often fall from the sky."
Sky was filled with fire and ash, then. Lews Therin seemed to have gotten quite talkative at the moment. When I killed her. He started weeping. I killed my Ilyena.
"Moriñgotho."
"I cannot take care of him."
"Who said so?" Alanna commented. "Honestly, you would be the worst person for that, al'Thor."
Rand bit his tongue before answering back. If I don't want her being proud, I must be humble too.
"We will take care of him." Verin said. "We can..."
Rand cut her off with one short glance. "Mat?"
"Yes?"
"You will take care of him."
Cauthon reached his chest. "What?"
"Since you are so eager to help him. And you found him first."
He nodded. "So...I need to go find the princess and take care of this poor man. You want me to clean your toilet too?"
Alanna felt like an injustice was done to her when Rand let that pass. "He is safe with you too."
"This is absurd!" Verin said. "Rand al'Thor, we need him with us! Whatever he is saying must be properly translated."
"Fingolfin..." The man said, with a voice that was almost breaking. "Hanno! Hanno, apseni!"
"He is going where I said he is going - as far away from Aes Sedai as possible." He did not consider them deserving of even a look. "He is going with the Band of the Red Hand. I will not argue about this."
Even Sulin scoffed. "Rand al'Thor, don't you dare be that stupid!"
Davram Bashere just looked to the side during this argument. Insulting superiors was something only the Aiel considered acceptable, as it seemed. Rand continued with his own. "He goes with Matrim, Aes Sedai. My decision is final."
"If you do this, the White Tower will not be on good terms with you anymore. And you need us, Rand al'Thor."
They all stopped as the man stood up from his seat. Standing now almost a head taller than Rand, he gave a glance to each of them. Those grey eyes were deeper and older than the sea itself and the face, again, more timeless than the face of the Aes Sedai. He looked down on them all, then fixing his sight on Rand. He stared long enough for Lews Therin to start rumbling...and then go silent without any interferrence of Rand.
The man walked up to the window, looking over the city. Rand slowly approached him from behind, and the man turned back to him. "Here." he said abruptly.
Rand narrowed his eyes. "What?"
"Here." The man pointed towards the bottom, then to himself. "Here. Stay?" he said, again waiting to be corrected. "Here. Stay here."
"What, you want me to stay here?" The man started nodding, but when Rand pointed at himself, he shook it, then placing a hand on his chest. "No...you want to stay here?"
The man nodded. "Náto."
"I suppose that means yes." Rand said. "Very well. Do you want their help?" Rand pointed towards the Aes Sedai and tried to explains with his hands as best as possible.
The man slowly came to understand it. "No."
"No?"
"No know?" He shook his head. "No! Lá sí. Now not."
"Not now? You do not want their help at the moment? In this place or at the moment?"
"Náto."
"But maybe later?"
"Náto."
"Alright then." Rand said, offering his hand for a shake. "You may stay." Alanna felt like she will scream. The man looked at Rand's hand for a bit before eventually taking it and slowly shaking it. Light, he has a strong shake! he admitted. "Bashere?"
"My lord."
"Find some servants to help our friend. Get him a home or a room."
"At command, lord." he clasped, leaving the room to look for some servants.
When Rand turned, he saw them all staring at him, confused and frustrated, all except Verin. He had no intention to explain himself, not even to Aviendha and Mat. Verin, however, was staring at the man. "He just learned to speak the Common Tongue fluently...within minutes?"
Mat scratched his hand. "Uh...Verin Sedai, he simply babbled a few words."
"That he never heard before or understood." Verin looked towards Rand, expecting him to change his mind.
"He is not a rat you can experiment on." Rand said. "He said he doesn't want your help now. He will ask for it later."
She pursed her lips and closed her eyes. "Rand, please! He is important, whoever he is. We can help him..."
"He will ask for it when he needs it." Rand did not raise his voice and went to leave. "Mat, you come with me. You others can stay or go."
The women all wanted to burn him as it seemed, but he could not care less about it anymore. The room he led them to was Mat's temporary place while he was still in Caemlyn. Rand was not going to change his plans, despite the man's appearance. "Nice place." Rand said. "Not as warm as the Two Rivers, however."
"It is cozy, yes." Mat took a seat on his bed. "But I must admit I miss the Two Rivers."
Tam's gentle voice. The baaing of sheep. What did I do to deserve this? "Make haste slowly, Mat.” He started striding up and down. He never looked in Mat’s direction. He could feel sweat slicking his face, and his jaw was tight. "He has to see it coming. Everything depends on it.”
Mat started taking his boots off. "I know,” he said sourly. "I helped make the bloody plan, remember?”
That was a thing Mat would always say. He missed those days when the two of them, along with Perrin, would just live and rejoice. He found it, at he very least, good he met other people and loved other people after that. That was not encouraging, but it was comforting.
He started thinking of Aviendha then. Mat always had a way with women, he thought. How do you know you’re in love with a woman, Mat? he almost asked, but then brushed it off. Mat already had enough of burden on his own shoulders. Rand did not want to place his own upon him too. And...something pulled those words away from him.
He still did not stop his striding, and he dropped it in as if it fit what he had been saying. "I’ll finish Sammael, Mat. I promised that; I owe it to the dead. But where are the others? I need to finish them all. One at a time, though.” That was all he could do.
What did I do to deserve this?
"There are Dragonsworn in Murandy, Mat. In Altara, too. Men sworn to me. Once Illian is mine, Altara and Murandy will drop like ripe plums. I’ll make contact with the Dragonsworn in Tarabon - and in Arad Doman - and if the Whitecloaks try to keep me out of Amadicia, I’ll crush them. The Prophet has Ghealdan primed, and Amadicia almost, so I hear."
The Prophet. An old word. From an age long forgotten. Even Lews Therin mocked it from time to time. Men who heard voices in their heads, he would often say. So I am a prophet too, am I?
"Can you imagine Masema as the Prophet?" Unimportant question. "Saldaea will come to me; Bashere is sure of it. All the Borderlands will come. They have to! I am going to do it, Mat. Every land united before the Last Battle. I’m going to do it!” He hadn't noticed his voice had taken on a feverish tone.
"Sure, Rand.” Mat said slowly, depositing his other boot beside the first. “But one thing at a time, right?”
One thing at a time. There was a game like that. His voice started breaking. The game my children liked to play. I killed them. I killed them and my Ilyena.
Rand sighed. "No man should have another man’s voice in his head." he muttered. How long has Lews Therin been in there? Rand did not remember when was the first time he heard him. It seemed to him that it happened when Lanfear met him in Tear. That seemed to have triggered Lews Therin to come out. Since then, the Kinslayer just started speaking louder and louder. Very rarely did he say meaningful things. Just babbling about his wife and children, and friends long gone. From time to time, he would speak of creatures of old, or "Angels of Heaven" as he called them, begging them or the Creator for forgiveness. But otherwise, he was just babbling.
He's like us. Lews Therin said then. &He's like me. He killed.*
Who?
Those who were his family.
No. Who are you talking about?
I killed my Ilyena.
He sighed again. You are mad. Like Sammael was. "He can be gulled, Mat - Sammael always thinks in straight lines - but is there any opening he can slip through? If there’s any mistake, thousands will die. Tens of thousands. Hundreds will anyway, but I don’t want it to be thousands.” he said that more to himself than to Mat. Not even to Lews Therin - himself.
"But, what about him?" Mat asked, expecting Rand to know. "You really don't think he's a big thing?"
"Maybe." Rand said. "Maybe the Pattern or the Creator himself sent him as help or temptation." Then he narrowed his eyes. "Or maybe the Dark One himself sent him here. Maybe he is even one of the Forsaken." Lews Therin did not agree, however. "You see it makes sense, right Mat?"
Mat looked down at his boots. "Yes...I think I know what you mean. But...Light, what if he is an ally? You can't refuse help, you know?"
Lews Therin scoffed and, honestly, Rand would have too. He has been refusing "help" ever since killing Rahvin. "Don't worry about him, Mat. He is my burden now. What you need to do is stick to the plan."
"But, there is something off about this, Rand..."
"Don't worry about it." He insisted. "Just stick to the plan."
"That is all?" Mat expected something more. What is it? "That is all you have to say?"
"Yes. That's all." He opened the door, not even looking back. "Sleep, Mat. You'll need good rest tonight." Rand closed the door, continuing his way through the red corridor that was covered in light of only few torches. He made some light himself, weaving Fire and Air together. The Maidens were, at the moment, absent, and had left him alone there.
Two hundred and five. That is how many people had died when he fought Rahvin excluding Aviendha and Mat and who, unlike them, stayed dead. And Mangin...He was hanged this morning. I watched it. That was all he could do for him. The young Aiel was much like Mat, and had a great respect for Rand, wanting to protect his honor. He cursed Aiel honor three times when that happened. Aiel customs, Aiel culture and all of it. And he cursed Andoran stupidity, Andoran pride and Andoran carelessness. Lews Therin instead behaved practically and cursed them both. Wetlander, Andoran, Aiel...it's all the same. Bands of babbling idiots, both talking of honor, when they can't even agree what that word means.
How many more needed to die because of such pathetic views of honor? The Forsaken also wanted honor - honor and glory. Demandred, Sammael and Lanfear wanted it most of all. Did it make it any better? Lews Therin seemed to actually wonder about that.
He wondered again. He hated it. Hard as stone. I must be hard. Light, I must. The man can stay for now. If he is an ally, good. If he is an enemy, good - he knows how to handle him quickly. As easy as Rahvin.
He extinguished the lights, allowing sound and smell to lead him instead. He woke up the next day, still feeling tired.

Chapter V

Two Kinslayers

"Has anything changed?"
The man, if he could thought of as a man, was covered in black robes. He refused to wear anything else, murmuring in his foreign language at every word, move or sound of others.
"Is he any better?"
As good as us, Lews Therin said. He's a killer, like I am.
Shut up.
Alanna and Verin both inspected him. Looking up, Rand noticed Mat, Aviendha and the Maidens of the Spear were all terrified of him. The Aiel women did their best to hide it, but he still saw it in their faces.
"Moriñgotho." the man said. "Moriñgotho enutúlie." The word "Moriñgotho" was the one he kept repeating all the time.
"He is..." Verin said bewildered, staring at him still. "He is...fine. There is nothing wrong about him. His body is completely healthy. No scars, no wound...he is completely fine."
Alanna touched his head. "Light! It's the opposite. His body is stronger than any of us. He is in better shape than anyone I've ever seen."
"Eru apseni. Ilúvatar, apseni. "
"He is stronger. Taller. Healthier than anyone I had ever seen."
Rand nodded, looking down at the man. He was still shaking and murmuring. He was not looking at any of them or anything at all. His grey eyes were completely absent. Rand barely needed to even lean to touch the man - even when sitting, his head and shoulders were close to Rand's. Rand removed his thick black hair, in his hand feeling it very smooth, looking at his ears. "Pointy? He has pointy ears?"
"Yes." Verin said, looking at the other one. "I don't understand it either." His ears were not slightly pointed: rather both ears were noticeably longer than of any ordinary man. Not abnormaly so, but noticeably. "Maybe he was just born that way."
"If he was born at all." Mat added.
The Aes Sedai looked at him, visibly irritated, with Alanna biting her lip. "And why exactly are you questioning that?"
"Why? Oh, I have no idea. Maybe because he fell from the bloody sky?"
"Cauthon!"
"Stop!" That was all Rand needed to say to convince them. Shutting up an Aes Sedai or Mat was an impossible task sometimes.
"Moriñgotho." the man continued. "Moriñgotho."
"Is he speaking real words or is he just...stuttering?"
Like you, maybe? Lews Therin chuckled.
Verin did not answer immediately. She kept listening to him for a while. "Those are real words. But..."
"But what?"
"I don't know what language it is, Rand." she said bluntly. "And I don't think anyone in the world does."
"Moriñgotho. Moriñgotho."
"That word he is repeating." Aviendha said. "Maybe it is his name?"
Rand looked at the man again. He was repeating that word all the time, yes - but he did so with terror. It seemed like he said it always as quickly as possible, just to end it. "No. It's not a name. Not his at least."
"How do you know?"
"I do." Aviendha and the Maidens rumbled about "wetlanders" when he said that. He placed the hand on his shoulder, slightly shaking him. "Listen to me..."
"Moriñgotho. Moriñgotho." he said. "Morikotto. Morkotho?" He looked at them once, as if waiting to be corrected, but then continued... "Moringotto. Moriñgotho."
He's lost his mind, Rand thought. Is he a channeler? And yet somehow, Rand doubted that was the case.
"What do we do with him?" Mat asked. "He needs help."
"And what do you want us to do, Cauthon?"
"Heal him."
Verin scoffed. "From what? Have you heard what we said? There is nothing wrong with him."
"Light, woman, he is mad! Rumbling the same thing over and over again!"
"Morkotho. Moriñgotho. Morgotto? Morikotto."
"You can Heal him, can't you?"
Alanna was frustrated with Mat's tone, but she felt Rand's answer to that. Just try if you dare. She bit her lip. "One Power can heal all wounds of the body, Cauthon. All except death itself. That is true. But no one, not even in the Age of Legends, was ever able to heal any mental illness or insanity itself. That is impossible. At most the Compulsion can be reversed, but that is all."
Mat looked at him. "Rand?"
Rand just shook his head. Lews Therin remembered some type of Healing of the mind, but... It came from him, not the Creator. You are still mad, though.
Mat kept looking back at the man. "We can't just leave him."
"And what will we do, Mat?" Rand asked him, almost deciding to turn back. "We cannot help everyone." Curse me, but we cannot.
Davram Bashere looked at the man, then at Rand again. "With all due respect, Lord Dragon, everyone saw him fall from the sky. Not only that, but people have said they saw a bright falling star moments before he fell."
"And you think he is that star?" Of all people, Rand never expected Bashere to be superstituos.
"If the possibilities are that narrow?" he shrugged. "I honestly do."
Rand clicked his tongue. And they say male channelers are mad.
"Rand al'Thor." Aviendha said. "No one is lying here. We all saw the star falling."
"Suppose you are all right." He played with buttons on his sleeve. "Let us say there was a star that fell and he was there when it did. Doesn't mean at all he needs to be that star."
Alanna felt frustrated, Rand returning that emotion.
"Rand, look at him!" Mat pointed at the man. "Does he look like an ordinary man to you? And we are all telling you - he fell from the sky!"
"If you do not trust us," Aviendha said. "ask the others in the city."
"The Pattern, Rand." Verin said. "Whoever or whatever he is, the Pattern brought him here."
"And how do you know that?"
"How?" Verin scratched her chin. "Well, I am just an Aes Sedai, after all. However, I seem to remember people do not often fall from the sky."
Sky was filled with fire and ash, then. Lews Therin seemed to have gotten quite talkative at the moment. When I killed her. He started weeping. I killed my Ilyena.
"Moriñgotho."
"I cannot take care of him."
"Who said so?" Alanna commented. "Honestly, you would be the worst person for that, al'Thor."
Rand bit his tongue before answering back. If I don't want her being proud, I must be humble too.
"We will take care of him." Verin said. "We can..."
Rand cut her off with one short glance. "Mat?"
"Yes?"
"You will take care of him."
Cauthon reached his chest. "What?"
"Since you are so eager to help him. And you found him first."
He nodded. "So...I need to go find the princess and take care of this poor man. You want me to clean your toilet too?"
Alanna felt like an injustice was done to her when Rand let that pass. "He is safe with you too."
"This is absurd!" Verin said. "Rand al'Thor, we need him with us! Whatever he is saying must be properly translated."
"Fingolfin..." The man said, with a voice that was almost breaking. "Hanno! Hanno, apseni!"
"He is going where I said he is going - as far away from Aes Sedai as possible." He did not consider them deserving of even a look. "He is going with the Band of the Red Hand. I will not argue about this."
Even Sulin scoffed. "Rand al'Thor, don't you dare be that stupid!"
Davram Bashere just looked to the side during this argument. Insulting superiors was something only the Aiel considered acceptable, as it seemed. Rand continued with his own. "He goes with Matrim, Aes Sedai. My decision is final."
"If you do this, the White Tower will not be on good terms with you anymore. And you need us, Rand al'Thor."
They all stopped as the man stood up from his seat. Standing now almost a head taller than Rand, he gave a glance to each of them. Those grey eyes were deeper and older than the sea itself and the face, again, more timeless than the face of the Aes Sedai. He looked down on them all, then fixing his sight on Rand. He stared long enough for Lews Therin to start rumbling...and then go silent without any interferrence of Rand.
The man walked up to the window, looking over the city. Rand slowly approached him from behind, and the man turned back to him. "Here." he said abruptly.
Rand narrowed his eyes. "What?"
"Here." The man pointed towards the bottom, then to himself. "Here. Stay?" he said, again waiting to be corrected. "Here. Stay here."
"What, you want me to stay here?" The man started nodding, but when Rand pointed at himself, he shook it, then placing a hand on his chest. "No...you want to stay here?"
The man nodded. "Náto."
"I suppose that means yes." Rand said. "Very well. Do you want their help?" Rand pointed towards the Aes Sedai and tried to explains with his hands as best as possible.
The man slowly came to understand it. "No."
"No?"
"No know?" He shook his head. "No! Lá sí. Now not."
"Not now? You do not want their help at the moment? In this place or at the moment?"
"Náto."
"But maybe later?"
"Náto."
"Alright then." Rand said, offering his hand for a shake. "You may stay." Alanna felt like she will scream. The man looked at Rand's hand for a bit before eventually taking it and slowly shaking it. Light, he has a strong shake! he admitted. "Bashere?"
"My lord."
"Find some servants to help our friend. Get him a home or a room."
"At command, lord." he clasped, leaving the room to look for some servants.
When Rand turned, he saw them all staring at him, confused and frustrated, all except Verin. He had no intention to explain himself, not even to Aviendha and Mat. Verin, however, was staring at the man. "He just learned to speak the Common Tongue fluently...within minutes?"
Mat scratched his hand. "Uh...Verin Sedai, he simply babbled a few words."
"That he never heard before or understood." Verin looked towards Rand, expecting him to change his mind.
"He is not a rat you can experiment on." Rand said. "He said he doesn't want your help now. He will ask for it later."
She pursed her lips and closed her eyes. "Rand, please! He is important, whoever he is. We can help him..."
"He will ask for it when he needs it." Rand did not raise his voice and went to leave. "Mat, you come with me. You others can stay or go."
The women all wanted to burn him as it seemed, but he could not care less about it anymore. The room he led them to was Mat's temporary place while he was still in Caemlyn. Rand was not going to change his plans, despite the man's appearance. "Nice place." Rand said. "Not as warm as the Two Rivers, however."
"It is cozy, yes." Mat took a seat on his bed. "But I must admit I miss the Two Rivers."
Tam's gentle voice. The baaing of sheep. What did I do to deserve this? "Make haste slowly, Mat.” He started striding up and down. He never looked in Mat’s direction. He could feel sweat slicking his face, and his jaw was tight. "He has to see it coming. Everything depends on it.”
Mat started taking his boots off. "I know,” he said sourly. "I helped make the bloody plan, remember?”
That was a thing Mat would always say. He missed those days when the two of them, along with Perrin, would just live and rejoice. He found it, at he very least, good he met other people and loved other people after that. That was not encouraging, but it was comforting.
He started thinking of Aviendha then. Mat always had a way with women, he thought. How do you know you’re in love with a woman, Mat? he almost asked, but then brushed it off. Mat already had enough of burden on his own shoulders. Rand did not want to place his own upon him too. And...something pulled those words away from him.
He still did not stop his striding, and he dropped it in as if it fit what he had been saying. "I’ll finish Sammael, Mat. I promised that; I owe it to the dead. But where are the others? I need to finish them all. One at a time, though.” That was all he could do.
What did I do to deserve this?
"There are Dragonsworn in Murandy, Mat. In Altara, too. Men sworn to me. Once Illian is mine, Altara and Murandy will drop like ripe plums. I’ll make contact with the Dragonsworn in Tarabon - and in Arad Doman - and if the Whitecloaks try to keep me out of Amadicia, I’ll crush them. The Prophet has Ghealdan primed, and Amadicia almost, so I hear."
The Prophet. An old word. From an age long forgotten. Even Lews Therin mocked it from time to time. Men who heard voices in their heads, he would often say. So I am a prophet too, am I?
"Can you imagine Masema as the Prophet?" Unimportant question. "Saldaea will come to me; Bashere is sure of it. All the Borderlands will come. They have to! I am going to do it, Mat. Every land united before the Last Battle. I’m going to do it!” He hadn't noticed his voice had taken on a feverish tone.
"Sure, Rand.” Mat said slowly, depositing his other boot beside the first. “But one thing at a time, right?”
One thing at a time. There was a game like that. His voice started breaking. The game my children liked to play. I killed them. I killed them and my Ilyena.
Rand sighed. "No man should have another man’s voice in his head." he muttered. How long has Lews Therin been in there? Rand did not remember when was the first time he heard him. It seemed to him that it happened when Lanfear met him in Tear. That seemed to have triggered Lews Therin to come out. Since then, the Kinslayer just started speaking louder and louder. Very rarely did he say meaningful things. Just babbling about his wife and children, and friends long gone. From time to time, he would speak of creatures of old, or "Angels of Heaven" as he called them, begging them or the Creator for forgiveness. But otherwise, he was just babbling.
He's like us. Lews Therin said then. &He's like me. He killed.*
Who?
Those who were his family.
No. Who are you talking about?
I killed my Ilyena.
He sighed again. You are mad. Like Sammael was. "He can be gulled, Mat - Sammael always thinks in straight lines - but is there any opening he can slip through? If there’s any mistake, thousands will die. Tens of thousands. Hundreds will anyway, but I don’t want it to be thousands.” he said that more to himself than to Mat. Not even to Lews Therin - himself.
"But, what about him?" Mat asked, expecting Rand to know. "You really don't think he's a big thing?"
"Maybe." Rand said. "Maybe the Pattern or the Creator himself sent him as help or temptation." Then he narrowed his eyes. "Or maybe the Dark One himself sent him here. Maybe he is even one of the Forsaken." Lews Therin did not agree, however. "You see it makes sense, right Mat?"
Mat looked down at his boots. "Yes...I think I know what you mean. But...Light, what if he is an ally? You can't refuse help, you know?"
Lews Therin scoffed and, honestly, Rand would have too. He has been refusing "help" ever since killing Rahvin. "Don't worry about him, Mat. He is my burden now. What you need to do is stick to the plan."
"But, there is something off about this, Rand..."
"Don't worry about it." He insisted. "Just stick to the plan."
"That is all?" Mat expected something more. What is it? "That is all you have to say?"
"Yes. That's all." He opened the door, not even looking back. "Sleep, Mat. You'll need good rest tonight." Rand closed the door, continuing his way through the red corridor that was covered in light of only few torches. He made some light himself, weaving Fire and Air together. The Maidens were, at the moment, absent, and had left him alone there.
Two hundred and five. That is how many people had died when he fought Rahvin excluding Aviendha and Mat and who, unlike them, stayed dead. And Mangin...He was hanged this morning. I watched it. That was all he could do for him. The young Aiel was much like Mat, and had a great respect for Rand, wanting to protect his honor. He cursed Aiel honor three times when that happened. Aiel customs, Aiel culture and all of it. And he cursed Andoran stupidity, Andoran pride and Andoran carelessness. Lews Therin instead behaved practically and cursed them both. Wetlander, Andoran, Aiel...it's all the same. Bands of babbling idiots, both talking of honor, when they can't even agree what that word means.
How many more needed to die because of such pathetic views of honor? The Forsaken also wanted honor - honor and glory. Demandred, Sammael and Lanfear wanted it most of all. Did it make it any better? Lews Therin seemed to actually wonder about that.
He wondered again. He hated it. Hard as stone. I must be hard. Light, I must. The man can stay for now. If he is an ally, good. If he is an enemy, good - he knows how to handle him quickly. As easy as Rahvin.
He extinguished the lights, allowing sound and smell to lead him instead. He woke up the next day, still feeling tired.

Occupation – Government employee
Age – 34
Location – Zimbabwe
My salary – $500 (paid monthly)
Side Gig Income – $0
Other income – negligible amounts from dividends received from my stock portfolio that I re-invest
Housemates – 4 (husband P, 6 year old L, 4 year old E and nanny F. My nephew M is around and makes appearances too)
​
Assets and Liabilities
​

Equity	$60,000 fully paid off
Retirement Balance	??	I contribute monthly, and employer matches fully. But because of changes in currency and hyperinflation, I don’t really count this as an asset
Savings	$1700	(went down due to travelling trying to get my passport done since it expired)
Current account balance	$660	Includes my mum's money since I'm managing her financial affairs while she's abroad
Loan from employer	$130	I took a personal loan from work, because the interest rates are lower than rate of inflation and repayment is over 18 months. Loan was used to make improvements on our house, and what wasn’t used, I bought shares on our stock exchange, due to hyperinflation, the amount I owe in US$ has gone down
Investments (shares in various counters on our local stock exchanges)	$1,186
Car	$4,000	Based on current resale value. Car was bought secondhand for cash

​
Income progression- (https://www.reddit.com/MoneyDiariesACTIVE/comments/vbbb7s/i_live_in_zimbabwe_making_3600year_and_i_just/)
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Expenses
This year, my husband and I decided that he would take on the bulk of our expenses since I do most of the domestic work/childcare. Expenses I pay will be indicated. My salary is now for my expenses, my investments and my savings, and spoiling the kids. Husband caters for the family basics. There was a point last year when I felt my husband wasn’t as invested in the family because he barely did anything financially. By having him cater for all expenses, he is now definitely involved and invested. My husband’s income is just about the same as mine, slightly higher at some times.
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My Expenses

Expense	Amount /period	Note
Car insurance and licensing	$300/annum	This is due in March, and I pay for the entire year
Petrol	$60/month
Electricity	$10/month
Airtime/data	$20/month
Groceries	$60/month	This is for additional groceries such as bread, veg and fruit bought during the month
Kids’ clothes	$40/month	I’m trying to build up their winter wardrobe so I try to buy them something each month
Makeup/clothes/toiletries/ supplements/hair	$30/month	I do not us this much monthly though
Water	$15/month	Based on last bill received in April. We do not get water consistently so bills are infrequent
Donations	$20/month	Ad hoc donations to a soup kitchen, and maternal health fun
Stock market investment	$50/month	May invest more or less, but I do try to buy shares every payday

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Household Expenses (paid by P)
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Expense	Amount /period	Note
Groceries	$200/month	Bulk grocery shopping of staple food items and toiletries
LP Gas	$30/approx. every 2 months	We buy when it runs out. Usually every 2 months depending on how bad the power supply is
Medical	$15/month	For OTC meds (painkiller, cough syrup, antacid stocked for emergencies) and any prescriptions
Pet expenses	$60/ twice a year	For vaccinations and checkups for 4 dogs. Pet food is covered under groceries
School fees for the kids	$347/ term	One kid has fees paid every month, the other every 3 months
Nanny	$80/month	Less than before as both kids are now in school fulltime, and nanny is there to get them ready for school and care after school for 3 hours.
DSTV subscription	$37/month
Transport for kids to/from school	$60/month	L gets picked up and dropped off at home daily, E is dropped off after school

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Previous MDs - (https://www.reddit.com/MoneyDiariesACTIVE/comments/vbbb7s/i_live_in_zimbabwe_making_3600year_and_i_just/) and (https://www.reddit.com/MoneyDiariesACTIVE/comments/yc801g/i_am_33_years_old_and_i_just_graduated_with_my/)
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MD Q&A
Did you participate in any form of higher education? If yes, how did you pay for it?
Yes, I have a BSc in Accounting, a Masters in Accounting, and a Postgraduate Diploma in Taxation. My parents both have Masters degrees, and in my family, the bare minimum acceptable for education was getting a Bachelors. My mother paid for my undergraduate degree, and I paid cash for my postgraduate studies.
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Growing up, what kind of conversations did you have about money?
My parents divorced when I was very young. My dad is the wealthier of the two, my mum has always been middle-class. My mum brought me up with very little financial help from my dad, he only covered tuition and healthcare until I turned 18. My mum catered for everything else. My mum taught me how to look for bargains, how to save and invest, and also how to sometimes enjoy your money.
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If you have, when did you move out of your parents'/guardians' house?
I would say I moved out at 26 when I got my current job. I had moved out when I got my first fulltime job, but moved back home when that contract ended
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At what age did you become financially responsible for yourself? Does anyone else cover any aspects of your financial life?
At 26 again. That's when I earned enough to cover all my bills without needing help. My husband P covers some aspects of my financial life, and my mum occasionally helps out with stuff for her grandchildren.
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What was your first job and why did you get it?
I worked as a receptionist at my mum's law firm after finishing my A Levels (age 18) while waiting to start university. My mum gave me the job to keep me occupied and out of mischief, lol.
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Do you worry about money now?
I worry about building generational wealth for my children. I want to make sure they will be set for life as adults. I do worry about money because hyperinflation is eroding my earnings and retirement dramatically. This is my second time losing my retirement. My mum and in laws are losing their retirement for the third time, so honestly our old age looks bleak if we do not invest outside of work pensions.
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Do you or have you ever received passive or inherited income?
I receive negligible dividends from the shares I own, lol.
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Day 1
0430 – I’m woken up by loadshedding. I sigh, rollover, and sleep some more
0600 – Alarm goes off. I turn it off, enjoy cuddles from P and finally get out of bed. Our water tanks ran out 4 days ago, and council has not yet deigned to give us water, so we rely on P’s parents and friends to give us water. I get my water that was warming up on the stove, and take a quick bucket bath. I moisturize, do my brows, throw my lace wig on (I cut my hair in January, and I’m at a really awkward stage where my hair looks bad when I wear it out all day) and get dressed. It’s cold in the mornings so I put on winter stockings and a black and white chevron patterned dress, nude ballet pumps plus my warm jacket. I get E from the couch where he was watching Cocomelon and my lunch bag out of the kitchen and we head off to his school. After dropping off E, I go to the office. No electricity means no elevator, so I go up the stairs. I see my boss’s boss and greet him as we do the ZESA (local electricity company) sponsored workout. I log in to the work register, fill up my kettle, and settle down to check out my work email. Nothing urgent came through overnight, so I go into my personal email. The wig company I patronize has given me a code for my birthday, and I’m wondering if I should pull the trigger on my cart. I decide to do a report while thinking this through.
My mum is currently working out of the country, so I am managing her local finances/obligations while she’s away. I remember I have to buy the prepaid electricity token for my childhood home as well as for the house she lives in when she’s working in the country. I spend $23 on electricity for both houses (mum’s money so doesn’t count)
1030 – After doing some firefighting and office gossip I have my breakfast. Today its rice, peas and 2 fried eggs. I sprinkle some peri-peri Aromat on top since I don’t have a sauce/gravy ad I have been craving spicy food lately. I also pop my multivitamin and supplements. I check my team’s work and send back anything that needs correcting. I also generate the multiple reports my boss expects from me. I suddenly remember I need to claim my allowance for performing a role that is higher than my actual position at work. I quickly complete the form, and send it to my boss for his signature. The extra money from this is what I use to fund my stock market investments. I also remind my team to send a report to me for consolidation by noon.
12.00 – I do a major push of all my work due today so I can relax after lunch. I compile my reports and set them ready to send. I also finish my first 2 litres of water of the day, and cue up the next 2 litres
1300 – Its lunchtime, and my work bestie and I head out around town**. I find shorts that L would fit and buy 2 pairs for $10**. We head back to the office and I have caramel popcorn for lunch. Then I remember I forgot to have my afternoon meds, oops. Anyway, more work before heading to an audit meeting
1630 – The audit meeting is finally over, and I rush to shut down my computer, pack up my things and go home. I have an agreement with my manager that as long as I make up for the hour, by either coming early or skipping lunch, I can leave work at 4pm. I had a total hysterectomy end of last year so I still can’t manage driving in heavy traffic. I arrive home, make the bed (P had not made it when he went to work), and harvest chilies from our garden that have ripened. I also harvest a local herb used as a flu remedy and lemongrass, so I can brew up a tea/tisane for the flu affected people in my house. I also pack L’s lunch for tomorrow, a pie, a naartjie and juice. It’s also F’s payday, so I give her US$80 (P gave me this money).
E says he is hungry so I feed him sadza and sour milk by his request. I multitask covering L’s school textbook while supervising his homework and watching Married to Real Estate and the Great British Bake Off. I then have my dinner of sadza, greens and beef. I have a chat with the kids about their day at school. P gets home.
1900 – P and my nephew M go to fetch water from P’s friend’s house. The city council still hasn’t opened up our water supply. I do some French on Duolingo while the boys wreak havoc in their playroom. I read L and E their bedtime stories and put them to bed. I decide to do my hair in cornrows while watching Masterchef Australia. They get home and I help them carry water indoors. I remember that when power comes back I need to boil tripe on the stove, so I cut it up, put it in the pot with water, salt and garlic, and place it on the electric stove. We have serious loadshedding these days, so we have a gas stove and solar power to tide us over. I take a quick bath and change into my pyjamas. While P watches TV, I read Wild Sweet Love by Beverly Jenkins and continue to do my hair in cornrows.
2200 – My arms are tired and I’m only halfway through with the cornrows. I give up and go to bed with P.
Total spent - $10
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Day 2
0600 – I hear crying. E is in a bad mood today. I turn off my alarm, and go to see what’s wrong. E does not want to get dressed for school. I sigh, and help F dress him while he throws a massive tantrum. E is dressed, so I go do my morning routine of shower, moisturize, contact lenses, and eyebrow makeup. Today, I wear a green dress I took from my mum, black tights, nude ballet flats and a black and white coat. E gets put into the car by F, and starts crying for porridge. We are already late, so he learns that the consequence of refusing to eat his porridge on time is to go to school without having his porridge. It’s not a big issue though, as he gets fed at school. So I lock the doors and windows and drive him to school as he throws a tantrum for the entire 10 minute drive. I shove him into the school gate and head to work.
It’s another ZESA sponsored stair workout today. I log into the register, and fill up my kettle with water. I switch on my computer, check my work email and send off client emails to my team for their response. My personal email has an annual report from one of the companies I have shares in so I check out if there’s a dividend this year. I own a negligible number of shares in the company though, but 28c per share is quite impressive. I check to see if my stock exchange wallet has been credited with the money I transferred there so I can buy more shares. It still hasn’t so I send a follow up email o the enquiries desk at the stock exchange. I do have a stockbroker, but I prefer doing my trades myself. I also do some French on Duolingo before 8am.
0830 – Our HR is in a tizzy because people are late for work. I don’t make a big deal out of it usually, because salaries are shit and people are demotivated. As long as my team shows up and does some work, I’m ok. I approve some work, and warn my team about coming in a bit too late. I also tell a teammate that she will have to cover for me on Monday as I am taking the day off. Our internet connectivity is shit so I can’t log into our system to check some stuff. My work bestie gives me avocados from her house. I almost cry because I have been craving avocados, but been too cheap to buy them.
1000 – I have a really bad sore throat. I am also hungry since I haven’t had breakfast yet. I jot down my shopping list for the weekend and head to Pick ‘n’ Pay to buy carrots, green peppers, tomatoes, lemons, cheese, polony and bread. I also buy my breakfast/lunch, which is rice, beans, ox liver and egg salad**. It all cost $10**. I leave my shopping in my car, and go to the office to wolf down my food, and take my multivitamin and painkiller. I also receive my wigs that I bought in May. Perfect timing, as I want to wear a new wig tomorrow for our girls’ day out.
I do some more work, and remind my team to send me the information I need for my daily reports.
1300 – I go out to buy a few items I didn’t find in Pick ‘n’ Pay earlier**. I go to Spar and buy peas, eggs, soft drinks for the outing tomorrow and a sausage roll. Total cost is $10**. The outing has been deemed kid friendly, so I needed drinks for the boys to have tomorrow. I get back into the office, and spend the rest of the lunch hour working.
1600 – It’s finally time to go home. I send my email to handover work issues for the person who will take over my role on Monday while I am on leave. I also send my out of office email, and head home. The kids are at their grandmother’s, so I take a leisurely bath, put on my pyjamas and eat dinner. Then I watch Masterchef Australia until P and E get home. I also get in some French Duolingo practice
2000 – P goes out with his friends, so I snuggle up on the couch with E and watch TV. I put E to bed, read him his bedtime story and kiss him good night. I finally finish season 13 of Masterchef Australia, and move on to My Kitchen Rules Australia. I love Australian reality shows, ngl.
2200 – I go to bed P gets home and tells me some bad news about a friend of ours. I feel very sad for him. He cuddles me and we sleep.
Total spent - $20
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Day 3
0700 – I wake up feeling like a truck ran me over. I get out of bed, and get ready to hand-wash our laundry. We still have no running water so we can’t use the washing machine. I play music while doing my laundry to keep me motivated
0900 – Laundry has been hung out to dry. F has cooked potato curry, so I boil eggs and water. I have my breakfast of potato curry, egg, multivitamin and coffee. Once I’m done, I give E a bath and dress him. I also bath, moisturize, do my brows and get dressed. I’m wearing jeans and a t-shirt today as my friends and I ae supposed to take our kids out for a playdate. Then I receive a message that the outing is cancelled since one of our group is really sick. I try to think of something I can do with E, since L is out having fun with his grandmother. I do my Swahili Duolingo practice.
1100 – The welder comes to do some work on our garage door. I monitor the work for a bit, and then my nephew takes over. E starts really bugging me to go out. So I put on my headband wig and sneakers, and pack a cooler bag with snacks and drinks. We head into town and I buy myself some ciders for $9. These are for me to drink when the mood strikes me. E wants to go to a resort by the lake so I oblige him. We pay $8 for our entrance. He goes to play on the swings, and I take pictures of him having fun. Another family turns up, and one of his classmates is among them. He’s so happy, and goes to play with his friend. I watch him running around.
1500 – I get a call from my friend that she’s in town with my cake. This cake was meant for the cancelled outing. I pack up our stuff, hustle E into the car and drive back into town. I let out some colourful swear words when I realise I forgot to get our change of $2. Anyway**, I meet up with my friend and get the cake, and pay her $30**. It’s so pretty. I call my MIL while still in town to find out what time she will be there so I can pick up L. She says it will be an hour, so E and I head home to drop off the cake so it doesn’t melt in my AC-less car.
1600 – We are back in town waiting for L and MIL. E wants an ice cream so I buy him one for $0.50 using money I had in my Innbucks wallet. MIL calls and asks me to head over to where she is to pick L up since she can’t leave yet. E and I get there. MIL gets me sadza and goat tripe stew, which I eat a bit of to be polite even though I am not hungry. When I’m done, I pack up the kids and drive home. I bath and change into my pyjamas.
1800 – I feed the kids, and we play until their weekend bedtime of 8pm. I read them their bedtime stories and tuck them in. I watch TV and iron my morning laundry while having a gin and juice until 9pm, and head to read in bed. P and my nephew arrive home from their amateur soccer league match and subsequent outing with the boys. I fall asleep soon after.
Total spent - $49.50
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Day 4
0700 – I’m woken up by L demanding that I come and play with them. I am still sleepy so I fob him off.
0900 - F knocks on the door and tells us she is off to church. I finally get out of bed and get dressed. I see the boys playing relatively peacefully so I let them continue with their antics. In the kitchen, I find F had cooked breakfast, and since I’m starving, I heat up water for coffee. L surprisingly isn’t hungry so I serve up breakfast for P and me. I have my daily multivitamin. P heads out to go fetch water, while I bath, change and hang out with the kids. I also do my French Duolingo practice for the day
1200 – I have played with the dogs and kids, and I am exhausted. I collapse onto the couch and watch MKR Australia. P gets home, and naps on the couch. I give the kids haircuts and baths.
1700 – L is hungry and really wants cake, so I feed the kids a dinner of sadza and sour milk. Then some cake for dessert. I also pack L’s school lunch, which will be a polony sandwich, a cupcake and juice. The kids play until its bedtime at 7pm. The usual routine, bedtime stories and tuck in is done
2000 – P and I watch a movie while having some alcoholic drinks.
2200 – Bedtime for us
Total spent - $0
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Day 5
0600 – It’s my birthday today. I am going all out celebrating myself since TW I tried unaliving myself twice in the past year. L wishes me a happy birthday before he goes to school. I get birthday messages from my mum, dad, SILs, and friends. I also get a call from my brother, his wife and their son, and they sing to me. I feel very loved today. P goes to drop off E at school today so I can sleep in
0800 – I am finally up and hungry. I cook a quick breakfast of boiled eggs, and a bean curry. P takes my car to get serviced, while I bath, moisturize, contact lenses, do a full face of makeup and get dressed for the day. Today I wear a tie-dyed cutout mini-dress and sneakers, and my wavy headband wig
1300 – P is home and he drives me to a hotel outside town near a renowned tourist site in our country. We have a platter of fried fish, chicken strips, pork strips, fries, and a salad to share and multiple Savannah Drys while there. It’s really nice getting to reconnect after a very tumultuous year in our marriage. P pays.
1700 – We drive around the area, before heading home. Once we get home, P and my nephew go on a hunt for water, while I feed the kids. P and I head off to take our showers. I remember why I don’t do a full face of makeup when it take a long time to get the makeup off my face.
1900 – The family sings happy birthday, and we eat cake. Birthday gifts were gin and chocolate. I hustle the boys off to bed. No story today, as they went to bed later than usual. P watches TV while I read my novel.
2100 – Bedtime for the grownups
Total spent - $0
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Day 6
0530 – I wake up and lie in bed for a bit. Then I read my novel some more.
0620 – I am up, and take my bath, moisturize, do my brows and get dressed. It’s cold this morning, so I wear a yellow dress with black polka dots, black tights and ankle boots. I pack up the cake I’m giving to my colleagues, as well as my water bottle. E and I head out. I drop E off at school, and go to the office. I log into the work register, turn on my computer, and check my emails. There are a few pressing issues I need to get up to speed with. One of my colleagues gives me $50 as a birthday gift. I also hand out the cake to my team.
0900 – Work is pretty quiet today, so I update my MD. I also receive news that one of my nephews is getting married. He is not that much younger than me, and could be my younger brother, but it makes me feel so old.
Note on my family: In our culture, even distant relatives are given close relationships so the large number of nephews/nieces is from those relationships. It’s a big thing done to maintain close family bonds. I have 4 actual (in a Western sense) nephews and nieces who are all under the age of 6.
1000 – I head to the supermarket and buy bread, onions, carrots, pork chops, pork trotters and my breakfast and lunch. This costs $25. The meat is the main cost driver here. I have a sausage roll, my multivitamin, supplement and milk for breakfast. I remember that I need to check if my stock exchange wallet was credited, ugh. The website is refusing to load and I’m very frustrated. I finally log in and see the amount is still not credited. I email and send a tweet to the stock exchange. Hopefully the tweet will get them to start moving.
1200 – My boss is mad. One member of my team left his desk without informing me and there’s an urgent matter. I was about to go downstairs to give P the groceries, so I stick around for a bit before committing the same offence as my subordinate, lol. I quickly get back into my office and check on work, sign some papers and letters, and clear out my emails.
1300 – My work bestie has to run other errands at lunch so I decide to stay in the office. I check my personal email and see I have received a dividend of $0.27, lol. The share price will probably drop soon, so I will buy more shares in this counter if I can get them to increase my shareholding. My goal for this year is to breach the 10,000 share mark for one counter. I suddenly remember I have work to do, so I use my lunch hour to do the work, and then take a quick break to eat my lunch of fries and a sausage and do some Swahili Duolingo practice.
1500 – I am thinking of going home when one of my team members calls me to deal with an angry client. I go to the office, and find out it’s a surprise birthday party from my team. I am so happy, lol. We have more cake, and there’s also fruit and juice. I head home feeling so appreciated with even more cake.
1700 – P and my nephew go out to get water. I warm up my bath water, and give the kids their dinner. Today its rice and croc meat. I make L’s lunch for tomorrow, a toasted polony sandwich and juice. I also pack my lunch, rice, a fried egg and peas. And some cake for my work bestie’s kids. I take my bath; change into my pyjamas and hound E to eat his food. If we let that kid be, he would probably live on the bits of our souls he sucks out daily by being stubborn. I am feeling nauseous so I have plain rice with a bit of avocado. The kids watch cartoons, while I do some more Swahili on Duolingo.
1900 – Bedtime for the kids. Today, there’s no demand for a bedtime story, so I just tuck them in and tell them I love them. I read my novel as increasingly feel more nauseated. I end up going to hurl my guts out. P comes home and finds me lying limply on the bed. He gives me a cuddle, and goes to eat his dinner. I get up but smell fish, and run back to throw up. If I hadn’t had a hysterectomy, I would be doing a pregnancy test ASAP.
2100 – I go to bed, and lie in bed for a bit, before finally drifting off.
Total spent - $25
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Day 7
0500 – I wake up feeling nauseated again. Ugh, this reminds me of having hyperemesis while pregnant. I put my water on to heat and get back in bed to read some more.
0600 – E comes to lie on our bed. I get out of bed, and go throw up. I get my bath water, take my bath, moisturize and put my contacts in. I look like a reanimated corpse this morning. I do my brows to try bring a bit of life to my face and get dressed. It’s very misty and cold today so I put on warm brown tights, a long black dress, my warm jacket and ballet flats. I grab my lunch and the cake, pop E into the car and head out. Visibility is extremely low, so I drive slowly. I don’t know why people like surprising other drivers by having their cars pop out of the mist without switching on their headlights. I successfully avoid the drivers who hate life and drop E off at school before heading to work.
0700 – I am in the office, and I log into the register, before turning on my computer and checking my work email. Not too much in there, so I check my personal email. My stock exchange wallet has finally been credited with the $100. I also ponder whether I should pull the trigger on a V-part wig.
I do my weekly report, and start doing some boring work in the system. I realise I didn’t save the work I did yesterday, so I have to re-do it, so I can have the list of error messages to send to ICT.
0830 – Everyone is in the office, so I do some reshuffling of duties, so that essential areas are covered while one of my colleagues is on leave. I give the cake to work bestie, who tells me how much her daughter was excited over the cake yesterday. It’s now time for me to put my head down and really focus on knocking out the system work today. I also log into an online training, and I listen while doing my work. My mum also deposits money for my birthday gift and to spoil her grandkids.
1000 – I log into my stock exchange account and buy shares for $99.14 (doesn’t count as spending, as the money was moved before the MD started). The deadline for other departments to submit their weekly reports to me for consolidation has passed so I start following up. One department is a big problem as they always send their report late. Le sigh. I draft a very passive aggressive email to them. I also decide not to buy the wig and instead ask the person making me my custom earrings that I got myself for my birthday to bill me the rest of the money so I can pay and move the remainder of the money in my account into savings. Our currency has taken an enormous hit in the last week, and is free falling dramatically. I’d rather keep USD cash than money in my account at this point. The training finally ends.
1100 – I’m getting hungry so I go warm up my lunch, sprinkle on peri peri Aromat and dig in. Yum. I also have my multivitamin and supplement. A lady who sells local snacks comes in. She persuades me to buy maputi (corn nuts mixed with roasted peanuts) for $0.50. I buy them for my afternoon snack. I end up sending the report with missing statistics, and tell the department to send directly to the compiler, as they were late. That was a very aggressive email tbh. I’m still hungry, so I munch on my maputi, leaving the peanuts because I don’t feel like eating them lately.
1200 – I see a missed call from a number I don’t know. I call and it turns out they had sent money to my mobile wallet mistakenly. I check the mobile wallet and it shows it had an extra $11. I send the money back to the person. Times are too tough to keep people’s money
1400 – I snack on a few skittles instead of having more food. I just want something to entertain my mouth, I’m not hungry at all. I review more work and drink more water. The jeweler has sent the payment request for the earrings. I pay $100 (total spent on the earrings comes to $200, which is worth it for sterling silver custom made Jewellery. I use $50 of the birthday money from my mum to cover for part of this expense)
1600 – Finally time to go home. I shut down my computer, and drive home. Once I’m home, I put on my bath water, and help L do his homework. Then I do some Swahili Duolingo practice and pack L’s lunch for tomorrow. He requested maize (corn on the cob), a boiled egg and a naartjie. His wish is my command for once. I also pack my lunch, a boiled egg, peanut butter sandwich and a bit of birthday cake. The jeweler sends pictures of the final product. They are absolutely gorgeous. Happy 34th birthday to me!!!
1800 – I serve the kids their dinner, and go to take my bath. P sends a text that he will be home late as they are working late today. I have my own dinner while persuading E to eat his food
1900 – Bedtime for the kids. I read them their bedtime stories, tuck them in and tell them I love them. Then I go to watch TV. I’m catching up on Married to Real Estate, Food Factory and Man Vs Food. You can tell that reality TV is my jam.
2100 – I decide to have some decaf black coffee and cake as my bedtime snack. P and my nephew arrive home. They are later than they thought they would be because nephew dropped his phone in the middle of the highway and they were searching for it. Because nephew’s ancestors were on the job, they found it intact. It’s a big deal because this is a major highway and huge trucks use that road constantly. I chat with P as he has his dinner and takes his bath.
2200 – Cuddles and bedtime for us
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Total spent today – $100
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Total spent this week – $204.50
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Spending by categories
Food & Drink – $84.50
Home & Health – $0
Clothing & Beauty – $110
Transportation – $0
Fun & Entertainment – $10
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Reflections on this week’s spending
The spending is pretty much about normal for me tbh (excluding the cake and earrings). I had quite a bit of petrol in the tank so I didn’t need to top up my tank this week. The converted US$ prices are a bit inaccurate since our currency had a big drop this week, and most of my spending is in local currency. I could reign in my spending a bit, and focus more on investing. However, I do enjoy using my money to bring joy to my kids and myself. Particularly myself after the absolutely shitty year I had.

I'm sure by now people have broken Owl down and figured out how everything works, but man do the in-game ability descriptions etc frustrate me to no end.
The english localization of this game has always been a bit 'off' where some descriptions feel awkwardly worded or even a bit misleading at times, but the description for Owl's stuff is by far the worst it's ever been.
Every time I see the word 'Astro' while playing this character my brain wants to SHUT DOWN. Why couldn't they just use different words for the Scrolls, 3-Square Grid, and Secondary Ability than 3 words that all use 'Astro' with the second part of the words not at all helping to clear things up. When I saw the word 'Astroaspect' for the first time I would have NEVER assumed that it meant the scroll icon in the 3-square Grid, Astrohouse is the only one of the three that I automatically connected to what it actually was.
Am I crazy or does this character feel impossible to understand for anyone else? Just to give another example, here are a few questions I still have even after reading multiple explanation threads, watching videos, and so on.

1. Does the probability of the Astroaspects impact the Astroaspects you get from Astroforecast or does it just impact what your Astrohouse automatically fills in when you cast Falling Stars without three Astroaspects filling the Astrohouse (see how confusing just this question looks?)
   
2. The three configurations the Owl's passive have for auto-upgrading scrolls, AKA the Normal Least, Rare Most, and Legendary Most, how do they ACTUALLY work? From my understanding Normal Least means upgrading scrolls however it needs to for there to be the fewest amount of Normal Scrolls remaining, Rare Most means the most Rare Scrolls possible, and same with Legendary Most. Is that Correct? ALSO, does the ability only Upgrade Scrolls to the next Rarity, or can a Normal Scroll become Legendary?
   
3. The Ascension that gives +10 Weapon DMG per 'slot'. Does 'slot' mean level of this Ascension AKA grabbing the Ascension at first give +10% DMG, then upgrading it to LVL 2 = +20 DMG, and so on, or does 'slot' mean something else?
   
4. I know it depends on the build, but do I want to be saving my Falling Stars for when I get a good sequence of three from using Astroforecast, or does that only matter when my probabilities are low and stops mattering as much as they go up?
   

This character BASICALLY boils down to 'hurr durr cast cards and 'gamble' on getting lucky with good Falling Star procs' but that playstyle is hidden underneath paragraphs of poorly worded descriptions and keywords that only make things more confusing. It was never this bad with any other character, and it just frustrated me to no end when I was trying to understand the character while playing with friends in a run tonight.

My sleepless dream ends with an alarm, the pounding klaxon of mission start. The whirring of servos and pump of hydraulics brings my body to full readiness, ready for one last ticket.
The Woman from Angeri gave us this mission. She gave it to us and us alone. For the glory of all Mankind she said, strike at the heart of the Imperium. Bloody their nose in a way they’ll never forget.
The pilot, a good one from Yord, helps me get into gear. Everything from the combat armor, thrusters, and the ever-important Agamemnon device.
Myself and the rest of my team step into the waiting airlock, turning on the armor seals and tapping into the armor air reserves. The chamber depressurizes before the airlock finally opens. We jump outside the deployment vessel and switch our radios on, waiting for the signal to begin our descent to the world below.
“Mayday, Mayday, this is the Independent Trader Timberwolf,”
“Acknowledged Timberwolf, how may we assist,” came the response from the Imperial highport authorities.
“I don’t know, there seems to be an issue with the jump fuel li-” the captain began to say before the ship suddenly went up in a ball of white. The captain played her part beautifully, and the wreckage would act as our cover to hot drop onto the world.
Thrusters activate and I deploy my heat shield as I gun for the palace. The Coalition will be sorry to lose that pilot, she got us right over target.Now initially the Imps didn’t seem too perturbed. Debris from a ship that small would just burn up in atmosphere, no skin off their back, but they did get worried seeing five little metallic things drop from high orbit right over the palace. We made it to about cloud level before they scrambled fighters. Pretty good all be told.
Jond did his part too, he flipped around and pushed his thrusters to meet the oncoming jets. As he did so I activated the Agamemnon device. Jond got off about four rockets, splashing four of the jets, before he got taken out.
The rest flew around like headless chickens, this hot and heavy device strapped to my back cast out hundreds of false sensor pings for them to follow, blinding them in all capacities except the MK. 1 eyeball.
Even then, we were small, we were fast, and we were refracting light thanks to these cloaks. Imps never knew what hit em as we finally made touch down in the gardens of the palace. Asha, Nargör, and Dekan went to make a nuisance of themselves, sliver guns out and on the bounce.
The shoulder mounted plasma gun took out the main door, and some poor Imp standing behind it. I stormed into a room of Imperial marines, guns in hand, and practically as reflex I washed em out with hypersonic slivers. This ballistic computer was worth every penny of Coalition dime as I ripped holes into Imp after Imp.
One poor bastard even tried to knife me, as if a little knife is going to stop the one-ton steel abomination that is me. I ripped his head off and continued further into the palace. Everywhere I go is decorated with frescoes, paintings, and statues depicting all the glories of Mankind they revere, and everything that drove them to conflict with us. I find it a bit arrogant, but mine is not to question why.
A few Imps try to interrupt my thoughts, but again they are ripped apart by slivers on reflex. They even bothered to set-up a heavy laser emplacement at the end of the hallway, not that it does them any good. They burn through a decent chunk of my left arm as I rolled out of the way and down a side passage. A quick particulate grenade obscures their next shot, and a plas grenade silences the gun. That was a very quick response, clearly not enough though.
Pushing through a few more isolated bands of Imps, I find the rather gaudy throne room with its big golden doors. Left arm is at reduced effectiveness, and I can only guess that most of his personal guard is in the room with him.
Instead of walking through the front door, I push up to the ceiling. Hanging there I bore through it with a breaching charge, and emerge up on the roof. I find a rather surprised team of snipers who are quickly dispatched by my saka after I leap at them.
Dropping down from the skylight I make ready to dispatch the Emperor’s personal guard, only to find none. Just an old man on a gaudy throne.
“My sons and daughters have already evacuated the palace Coalition Man,”
“They were not our target,”
“Truly? You have far more restraint than my generals it would seem,"
“Call it a difference in philosophy,” I said, and at that the Emperor of the Empire of the Mind laughed long and deep.
“I know you find me repugnant Coalition Man, but would you honor a final request?”“Depends,”
“I wish to fall on my sword,”
“Then do it,” I said, to which the Emperor gave a simple nod.
There the Emperor drew from his throne a long blade, and succeeded in his final will. I took his head, and split his spine to ensure there was no recovery.
“Target eliminated. Adiri 1-5, report,”
“War Cabinet eliminated. Adiri 2,”
“Engaging the enemy. Adiri 3,”
“I am near overrun. Adiri 4,”
“Mission success, say your final prayers,”
No Imps come to avenge their emperor. Maybe they’re distracted? Or cowards. Either way, it seems I have a moment. I sit on this throne, this paltry thing of stone and gold that enables little men to end millions. Don’t know what I expected. It's a little vindicating to deliver the death he so flippantly affected back to him and his councilors, each of which could have schemed to prevent this. When my soul goes to Orz, to the living Void, I think he’ll find this all very funny. It's been long enough, I confirm the self-destruct order.
It burns for only a moment.
​
For another perspective of this conflict:
A Chance Meeting
​
Author's Note: If anyone understands why Reddit ruined my formatting three different ways when posting this that would be wonderful.

Hey Everyone!
Let’s go….
Newly Covered Today:

1. Ohhhhhhh! This did not go in the SEC’s favor. https://twitter.com/ArmySpies/status/1666492499505090563
2. IOG’s response to the SEC suits against Coinbase and Binance. https://iohk.io/en/blog/posts/2023/06/07/iog-response-to-the-recent-sec-filings/
3. The court in Coinbase’s earlier Petition for Writ of Mandamus against the SEC (basically just requesting the SEC to do its rulemaking job and provide some clarity) has noted the SEC v. Coinbase complaint and is ordering the SEC to respond in seven days. https://twitter.com/iampaulgrewal/status/1666234163110748160
4. Brian Armstrong says they will NOT shut down their staking service in response to the complaint. https://twitter.com/TheOCcryptobro/status/1666545429306290176
5. With all the SEC complaints it’s easy to forget that the Digital Asset Market Structure Discussion Draft is still in play. https://financialservices.house.gov/news/documentsingle.aspx?DocumentID=408838
6. The SEC is busy filing documents that are pretty bad for Binance. We’ve seen some of the chat logs before. But, some of the docs are new. https://twitter.com/adamscochran/status/1666473028610408450
7. Looks like Binance wants the court to know they were once in discussions with Gensler to bring him on as an advisor. https://www.cnbc.com/2023/06/07/binance-lawyers-say-sec-chair-gensler-offered-to-be-advisor-in-2019.html

Previously covered, but still interesting:

1. Cardano Native Assets are vastly superior to BRC20 and ERC20 tokens. https://twitter.com/TheOCcryptobro/status/1655673557710692352
2. Rumor: SEC is going to make a move against Binance. Will the DOJ also? https://twitter.com/AP_Abacus/status/1655546961968103425
3. At the end of Q3 of last year, 722 banks reported unrealized losses greater than 50% of capital. https://www.federalreserve.gov/supervisionreg/files/board-briefing-on-impact-of-rising-interest-rates-and-supervisory-approach-20230214.pdf
4. Wyoming is inching closer to a state stablecoin. IOG’s significant presence there may turn out to be a huge advantage. https://cowboystatedaily.com/2023/05/09/wyoming-stable-token-a-multibillion-dollar-opportunity-as-officials-wrestle-with-how-to-make-it-happen/
5. Paypal disclosed almost $1 billion in customer crypto in its latest 10-Q. https://blockworks.co/news/paypal-discloses-1b-crypto
6. MiCA is shifting the balance of crypto investment to Europe. https://twitter.com/paddi_hansen/status/1655883224726241281
7. Today (May 10) will be a joint hearing of the Agriculture and Financial Services Committees on Crypto. The CLO of Kraken will testify. https://financialservices.house.gov/
8. This is a legit point about centralized L2s: the best ones are called Coinbase, Kraken, and Binance. https://twitter.com/el33th4xostatus/1655845787593502720
9. There’s already a new version of Lace Wallet out. https://twitter.com/lace_io/status/1656347737355608066
10. A nice thread on the many strengths of Cardano. https://twitter.com/TobiasIlskov/status/1656388178369212416
11. Remember, lobster traps are a thing. https://twitter.com/TheCardanoTimes/status/1656064744225120257
12. Today (May 11 at 1pm EST) there will be a Messari Cardano Analyst call with Charles & Frederik. https://twitter.com/StakeWithPride/status/1656272372452954112
13. I think we all love it when they start making our case for us. https://twitter.com/WatcherGuru/status/1656379837823561730
14. Ethereum is lamenting many of its poor design choices that Cardano already fixed. https://twitter.com/moo9000/status/1656215016016683008
15. Drunkenmiller says this is the broadest asset bubble he’s ever even studied let alone seen firsthand and we’ve only had a few soft landings since 1950. https://twitter.com/Stephen_Geigestatus/1656416819312222219
16. Live footage of meme coin investors accepting their ROI. https://twitter.com/KaylerSmithTV/status/1656130092966264834
17. Here’s the Messari call from today with both Fred & Chaz. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ouUhWwF74MM
18. People really seem to be enjoying the CF’s Blockchain Education Alpha Program. https://twitter.com/andreassosilo/status/1644263843743293451
19. The US Chamber of Commerce brief in the Coinbase case is calling out the SEC for acting “unlawfully”. https://twitter.com/MetaLawMan/status/1656737447756038177
20. About that whole self-custody thing we’ve discussed… https://twitter.com/BitcoinMagazine/status/1656706653801136132
21. The SPO poll on K and minFee starts today (May 15)! You should redelegate if your stake pool doesn’t vote the way you would vote! https://cardanofoundation.org/en/news/entering-voltaire-poll-experiment-live-on-mainnet/
22. There are also a series of forum topics for discussion of the various options in the Cardano.org forums. https://twitter.com/Lovecoach_nic/status/1657700010148896770
23. Coinbase spotlights Empowa! May be the first time they’ve ever given such a spotlight to a Cardano project. Tides are turning. https://twitter.com/coinbase/status/1657081243518005254
24. Wow. Leaked “Key Messages” document for the joint committee meeting in the US House last week. Best part: they basically complain about separation of powers in point three. https://twitter.com/EleanorTerrett/status/1656362002577772544
25. Dr. Vanishree Rao on ZK-Rollups. https://twitter.com/InputOutputHK/status/1657778843854274560
26. Here’s a new Decentralized Identity article from IOG. https://iohk.io/en/blog/posts/2023/05/11/atala-prism-pioneering-digital-identity-with-decentralized-solutions/
27. There are reasons we’re in a hard capped cryptocurrency like Cardano. https://www.cnn.com/2023/05/15/business/argentina-interest-rates-inflation/index.html
28. What is a dRep? This video is for you. There will be additional categories of default dReps that vote abstain or no confidence on every vote. https://twitter.com/InputOutputHK/status/1658034085401337857
29. The US Dept. of Justice is officially saying they are targeting exchanges. Great. Great. https://www.ft.com/content/5aac457e-cc80-44ae-ac40-9b51d9b601a3
30. Wow! Ledger just made what is possibly the greatest PR blunder in the history of crypto. Trezor will be poppin’ bottles tonight. https://twitter.com/Ledgestatus/1658458714771169282
31. People are claiming that the hysteria is a misunderstanding of cryptography. But, that’s not what’s going on here if Ledger plus one of the other two shard custodians can reconstruct your private key without having to use your private key. https://twitter.com/nimuepool/status/1658517533836574720
32. The Ledger Recover FAQ seems to support this understanding as it suggests you use a brand new device for recovery. https://support.ledger.com/hc/en-us/articles/9579368109597
33. Wow. Unfortunate timing for this. https://twitter.com/Ledgestatus/1658095051375800321
34. Ken Kodama will be doing a Japanese language interview on CardanoSpot on May 18. https://twitter.com/Emurgo_Ken/status/1658838077136162828
35. The stake pool operator poll on network parameters of K and minPoolCost is live. See the results here. The re-delegation phase will begin on May 25th. https://adastat.net/polls/96861fe7da8d45ba5db95071ed3889ed1412929f33610636c072a4b5ab550211
36. Cornucopias dropped some new in-game footage. As expected, Solace is beautiful. https://youtu.be/j5iwNsQVMDQ?t=1846
37. Wow….the Ledger shards are encrypted with “a master key that is contained in all devices”. Wut? https://twitter.com/P3b7_/status/1658809445965606913
38. Sadly, the Ledger CEO seemed to be denying exactly the above just a day ago. https://twitter.com/_pgauthiestatus/1658508082941403144
39. Here’s why 340 ADA minPoolCost promotes multi-pools. https://twitter.com/ArmySpies/status/1659387255537176581
40. Numbers are emerging on the benefits of K=1000 over K=500. https://twitter.com/StakeWithPride/status/1659398551917727744
41. Here’s the latest on the Stake Pool Operator poll. https://adastat.net/polls/96861fe7da8d45ba5db95071ed3889ed1412929f33610636c072a4b5ab550211
42. Rep. Tom Emmer is trying to help crypto by cutting crypto assets out of the definition of a “security”. He creates a new non-security asset category called “investment contract asset”. https://twitter.com/GOPMajorityWhip/status/1659291641281146886
43. Prof. Wadler (co-inventor of Cardano’s Plutus) has been elected a Fellow of the Royal Society joining the likes of Einstein, Darwin, Hawking, and Isaac Newton. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PLOm-dWje-M
44. Huge amount of voting for economic self-interest by multi-poolers in the SPO poll. Earlier today (May 21), 84.73% by stake of the vote for K=500, Min Cost 340 ₳ was multi-poolers. Only 15.6% of the vote for K=1000, Min Cost 170 ₳ was multi-poolers. https://adastat.net/polls/96861fe7da8d45ba5db95071ed3889ed1412929f33610636c072a4b5ab550211
45. Large pools also voted heavily for economic self-interest with the K parameter. 70.02% by stake of the vote for K=500, Min Cost 170 ₳ was pools with delegation over 35 million. Only 30.57% of the vote for K=1000, Min Cost 170 ₳ was pools over 35 million. https://adastat.net/polls/96861fe7da8d45ba5db95071ed3889ed1412929f33610636c072a4b5ab550211
46. Apparently Cardano has its own wiki now! Probably better given our previous treatment by the big wiki group. https://twitter.com/StakeWithPride/status/1660383700243329024
47. Rep. Tom Emmer is getting some reactions on the bill he sponsored with Rep. Soto. https://twitter.com/GOPMajorityWhip/status/1660329932495486977
48. You’re really gonna hold up a debt ceiling deal because you hate crypto so bad? https://twitter.com/gaborgurbacs/status/1660248530135515138
49. Looks like a few big multi-poolers have voted in the poll since yesterday. Pretty easy to predict what they didn’t vote for. https://adastat.net/polls/96861fe7da8d45ba5db95071ed3889ed1412929f33610636c072a4b5ab550211
50. Reports coming in that DCG has defaulted on the payment owed to Genesis. https://twitter.com/AP_Abacus/status/1660671386388504577
51. Ledger Recover would allow governments to confiscate crypto assets by subpoena? Called “not a real concern in the end.” Really? https://twitter.com/TheBTCTherapist/status/1660677064700178436
52. Frederik Gregaard on DeFi and regulation. https://twitter.com/F_Gregaard/status/1660655806709211137
53. Don’t Forget, the May Cardano 360 will be on May 25th. https://twitter.com/InputOutputHK/status/1660621805017608194
54. Here’s the daily check-in on the status of the SPO Poll. We have surpassed 590 pools voting (as of May 23). https://adastat.net/polls/96861fe7da8d45ba5db95071ed3889ed1412929f33610636c072a4b5ab550211
55. The Securities and Futures Commission of Hong Kong has decided to get our hopes up with a proposed regulatory framework for crypto exchanges that could mean more trading for coins like Cardano. https://apps.sfc.hk/edistributionWeb/gateway/EN/news-and-announcements/news/doc?refNo=23PR53
56. Here’s an IOG thread on the latest out of Atala Prism and Self-Sovereign Identity. https://twitter.com/InputOutputHK/status/1660904360925188097
57. Here’s an IOG article on Cardano native tokens. https://twitter.com/InputOutputHK/status/1660975383997448193
58. The difference in decentralization between Cardano and Bitcoin is still…laughable. https://twitter.com/StakeWithPride/status/1660979639907500033
59. Ledger is finally caving (a little) to the backlash. It’s reported that they will focus on open sourcing parts of their code and only release the “Recover” firmware after that open sourcing is finished. https://twitter.com/NFTherdestatus/1661026174779420672
60. Looks like the Hong Kong announcement yesterday might have been a hint of what’s coming. https://twitter.com/cz_binance/status/1661391542504902664
61. The Cardano Layerverse is coming to life. https://twitter.com/TobiasIlskov/status/1660697833115385856
62. Wow! Incredible! Thank you for voting in favor of decentralization, 1PCT! https://twitter.com/StakeWithPride/status/1661460222203002880
63. Federal Reserve report debunks claim that crypto is not useful to people in the US. https://twitter.com/SebVentures/status/1661063483369177108
64. The SPO phase of the poll is over. Nearly 800 pools voted. Now it’s your turn to see how your pool voted and re-delegate if you think they voted against decentralization and for their own pocketbook. https://adastat.net/polls/96861fe7da8d45ba5db95071ed3889ed1412929f33610636c072a4b5ab550211
65. The May Cardano 360 is out! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7_bCa_xCoxA
66. Charles dropped an update today. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KfL2U2hAGWw
67. Sen. Cynthia Lummis declares her opposition to the 30% tax on bitcoin mining. https://twitter.com/SenLummis/status/1661803569341759495
68. Lots of volume being transacted on Cardano recently! https://twitter.com/cwpaulm/status/1662929296329981952
69. Recent subpoenas to the Python Package Index don’t bode well for those hoping to store seed phrases with third-party custodians. https://twitter.com/_jonasschnelli_/status/1662531840606093312
70. Transaction volume is looking very interesting right now. https://messari.io/charts/cardano/txn-vol
71. JPG Store has now launched Android and IOS apps. https://twitter.com/jpgstoreNFT/status/1663281982262919170
72. It’s true. Cardano is straight killing it on the security leg of the trilemma.https://twitter.com/cardano_whale/status/1662987243655684096
73. Just checked. Yep. The centralization in ETH is still staggering. https://twitter.com/StakeWithPride/status/1663222056870350848
74. There’s a documentary about a 2022 Plutus hackathon in Argentina. https://twitter.com/LarsBrunjes/status/1663111319732535297
75. Pavia is testing NFT gating. This could get very interesting. https://twitter.com/Pavia_io/status/1663153213988823040
76. Marlowe is on mainnet! You can now code Cardano smart contracts in javascript or blockly via Marlowe! This is an amazing leap forward. https://twitter.com/marlowe_io/status/1663480828016435200
77. Don’t forget! We are still in the re-delegation phase of the CF Poll. See how your stake pool voted! If they were voting for their pocketbook instead of decentralization, you should re-delegate! https://twitter.com/Cardano_CF/status/1663564854572244994
78. Wow! Cardano projects are doing big things these days! https://twitter.com/CardanoCrocClub/status/1663468916843114498
79. The CCP has dropped a white paper on how it will develop Web 3 including NFTs and the metaverse. https://twitter.com/milestones_nft/status/1663458500922712064
80. Lace is now open source! https://twitter.com/IOHK_Charles/status/1663953642045714433
81. Binance is back and apparently they don’t care if someone had that ticker first. https://twitter.com/pool_pm/status/1663809731603906560
82. Summon is now allowing for multichain swaps of ADA & ERG. https://twitter.com/N8iveToEarth/status/1664038846563225600
83. Charles did a Twitter Space with World Mobile. https://twitter.com/IOHK_Charles/status/1663984094252810283
84. Here’s an easy infographic on CIP-1694 Voltaire governance from IOG. https://twitter.com/Hornan7/status/1664007623799185409
85. Apparently, Cardano sushi is a thing! https://twitter.com/Allison_Fromm/status/1663841386074976257
86. This kind of sums up the problems with central bank behavior over the last 20 years. https://twitter.com/JeffWenigestatus/1664012650781585409
87. Interesting news about the currency in one of Cardano’s biggest metaverse projects. https://twitter.com/Pavia_io/status/1664240389610704896
88. Messari has released an article on operational decentralization in proof-of-stake crypto. https://messari.io/report/evaluating-validator-decentralization-geographic-and-infrastructure-distribution-in-proof-of-stake-networks
89. The Bureau of Labor Statistics has MASSIVELY revised their figures on Q4 of 2022. No surprise, the numbers were much worse than they told us. https://twitter.com/FrogNews/status/1664253845399130113
90. Looks like DAOs are getting a little hesitant about fee switches due to possible legal/tax implications. https://twitter.com/FrogNews/status/1664253845399130113
91. We even have Arctic block production. https://twitter.com/Laponia_pool/status/1664226409466740737
92. Questions are being raised regarding the blockspace consumption of dApps still on Plutus v1. https://twitter.com/matiwinnetou/status/1664385383122051073
93. Atomic wallet got hacked. https://twitter.com/zachxbt/status/1665080799253733377
94. No surprise: general interest in crypto & Cardano is still pretty low according to google trends. https://trends.google.com/trends/explore?date=today%205-y&geo=US&q=cardano&hl=en
95. Here’s the Weekly Development Update from June 2. https://twitter.com/InputOutputHK/status/1665394985934499840
96. The Chairs of the House Committee on Financial Services (McHenry) and the House Committee on Agriculture (Thompson) are co-sponsoring a new pro-crypto Digital Asset Market Structure Bill. Currently just a discussion draft. Here’s the summary. https://docs.house.gov/meetings/AG/AG00/20230606/116051/HHRG-118-AG00-20230606-SD002.pdf
97. Here’s the actual discussion draft. https://docs.house.gov/meetings/AG/AG00/20230606/116051/HHRG-118-AG00-20230606-SD003.pdf
98. Here’s a section-by-section with exhibits. https://docs.house.gov/meetings/AG/AG00/20230606/116051/HHRG-118-AG00-20230606-SD001.pdf
99. Cornucopias has released more game footage. https://twitter.com/RobGreig3/status/1665310543589040130
100. SEC vs. Binance/CZ. It begins!!!!! https://twitter.com/ArmySpies/status/1665845917268815874
101. Written response from Charles to the SEC/Binance complaint. https://twitter.com/IOHK_Charles/status/1665780536177217537
102. Written response from Binance on the SEC complaint. https://www.binance.com/en/blog/ecosystem/sec-complaint-aims-to-unilaterally-define-crypto-market-structure-8707489117122437402
103. Video response from Charles. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1zBZ-aGqldA
104. Cornucopias has dropped a whole new reel of gameplay footage. It looks really good. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E8ftHH8bbxQ
105. Cardano Gaming at the NFT.Brazil event! https://twitter.com/cardanowarriors/status/1665815653398507520
106. SEC vs. Coinbase. Yep…crypto is now at war. https://twitter.com/ArmySpies/status/1666159275217911835
107. Brian Armstrong’s response. https://twitter.com/brian_armstrong/status/1666129111025324035
108. The Cardano Foundation has disputed the characterization of Cardano as a security in comments to Fortune. https://twitter.com/Cardano_CF/status/1666128229952897024
109. Here’s Coinbase politely pointing out the SEC’s complete refusal to provide any direction or cooperation despite Coinbase’s continuous and plentiful attempts. https://twitter.com/coinbase/status/1666135834062467083
110. The question of regulatory jurisdiction may end up being the biggest problem for the SEC in all these crypto matters. https://twitter.com/MetaLawMan/status/1653821211544092672
111. Rumor: There could also be a DOJ case coming for Binance. https://twitter.com/AP_Abacus/status/1666180524535062529

~Army of Spies

Memory transcription subject: Orllive , Sandshifter farmhand
Date [standardized human time]: February 25, 2137
"Ok, one, two, THREE!!!" I gave one final swish of my tail and finally the bolder went over the edge and fell down the hill. I took a few moments to regain my barrings. I just spent the whole day clearing this pasture of debris from a landslide that happened a few days ago.It was a pain in the cheek, but I managed to get it done.
We could have done this with maintenance drones. We could all just sit around all day while our machines did everything. But the lack of stimulation and feeling of uselessness was a recipe for poor mental health. Besides, the feeling of being needed and marveling at a job well done always filled me with pride. After wiping my brow on the recently cleared sand I swam back to Cers.
"Hey I finished clearing the east pasture."
" Good, we can begin to redig the channels and sow some puffwheat"
Cers was a rather old man. His sandy skin was wrinkled and starting to become paler. His horns were beginning to show there age. Becoming a deeper shade of yellow seemingly everyday. He should be taking it easy, but he never did. He'd rather work then rest most days. An idle mind is like a channel left to the tides. Becoming smooth and pointless. Was a saying he lived by, to an excessive extent.
"But that can wait till tomorrow"
Slightly jolting from the unexpected response I quickly asked "what? but you never cut a workday short!" In response he just began to rub his upper and lower teeth together to produce our version of laughter. A grinding rhythmic sound that the other sapient of the ship found to be rather grading and even painful. comparing it to something like claws on Sheetrock.
"Young lady, we have been on overtime for the past 3 hours!". What? that cant be right!!! He must have the time wrong. A quick glance to the clock tower proved that he was not mistaken, It was nearly 8 o' clock. Was I really that focused on the rocks?
I looked down at the sand and began to rub my flippers on my sides from the feelings of embarrassment I felt at so massively mistaking what time it was. The sunlamps were being to shift red for crying out loud!!! how can I be so dense? "Sorry, I guess I kinda lost my sense of time clearing the pastures "
At this admission Cers simply began to laugh again. " My my I must be rubbing off on you for that kind of tunnel vision."
I could feel my underside flush, It was probably a bright pink by now. I instinctively folded my flippers down to try and hide it. Cers noticing my embarrassment began to soften his features.
"I'm sorry, I should have reminded you it was the end of the day. Rather then let you continue on without saying anything and assuming you hadn't lost track of time. especially considering my own tendency to do so."
With that I began to look back up at him.
"So we're done for the day?"
He then put on a more cherry expression and lightly chuckled.
"Yes we are, you can be off then to enjoy what remains of it. Maybe talk with your friends about the aliens we met today."
What little embarrassment I was feeling quickly evaporated as I remembered that it was the day our first contact was scheduled!!!
"Oh!!! I need to go see how Nechu and Loav did!!!
Cers then quickly turned around and the face he put on was quiet amusing. Displaying a high level of confusion and shock at my admission.
"you know the representatives we sent!?!? and you choose to work today!!"
" Well yeah, it wasn't like I could talk to them during it and I dont like laying on my stomach watching something live. All the interesting stuff would be talking about it with them without knowing anything!"
"I guess that makes sense, you should be off then. I'll see you tomorrow"
"... your not going to do anything more tonight are you?"
"No , I'm going home."
I tilted my head and gave him ann accusing look. We both know how many times hes said that but worked into the late hours of the night.
"... I promise I'm going home now, see you tomorrow."
He then turned around and swam off. I knew he would likely come back after I left. But I learned it was pointless to try and babysit the old man. He was as stubborn as he was soft spoken ironically enough. I swam away from the field.
It was a rather long trek to the end of the ship. I live in hab 5 of a 6 habitat generation ship, each 400 miles long from end to end, and each had a 200 miles long diameter. Plenty of space for a permanent population to love for a thousands of years trip across the void of interstellar space. we had many natural environments in order to seed the planets we were going to terraform with a healthy biosphere.
As I was swimming to the tram I caught the sight of many creatures. From snarks to whelicans . In the tram . I saw fields of puffwheat and other aquatic crops, cultivated by young and old alike. We passed a playground where many pups were swimming through hoops and passing a ball around with their red striped calacarna pets.
Before I knew it I arrived at my stop. Quickly departing the tram I swam to the swimway. A pressurized tube that connected the lower waters of the sea to the waterways on land. Thanks to differences in ours and the aliens time zones the first contact was scheduled for rather late in our day. So I shouldn't of missed Nechu and Loav coming back.
But what I saw when I finally made my way to the port was not what i was expecting. Rather then a crowed of reporters and bystanders that I thought it would be. It was them and an ambulance. I could see a Riner with a Carmors sitting on top of him, he was being hauled in a stretcher... was that Nechu!!!
I swam as close as the waterway would allow and poked my head above water to try and speak to Nechu.
"WHAT HAPPENED!!! Nechu!!!"
A paramedic Carmors quickly ran over.
"ma'am please stay calm we need to move them to a hospital."
"WHAT HAPPENED??? did the tunnel collapse on them?!?!?"
The paramedic shook her head.
"They were attacked by the Aliens solders."
That didn't make any sense, we had talked to the aliens before this and they seemed friendly. If they wanted us dead they would have simply shot at us before or after the meeting. but we were still alive.
"Why did they attack us!!
The paramedic opened here beak to speak but was interrupted by Nechu.
"They tried... to kill Loav... Because she's.... a carnivore....."
"He's entering shock we need to move him NOW!!!"
Loav looked like she was somewhere else. simple staring at Nechu as they were hauled into the car.The paramedics finally got him into the ambulance and quickly speed off to the hospital. Leaving me confused and worried beyond belief.
I tried to enter Nechus room at the hospital but they said only imminent family was allowed to see him. He had gone into shock due to blood loss. He was currently in a medically induced coma but otherwise was set to wake up tomorrow morning. Giving me plenty of time to view the first contact on my phone.
How could they do this to us... for the crime of Loavs diet?

America is in ruins. Water is toxic. The sky is on fire. Food is carcinogenic. A woman who is raped and tries to receive an abortion will be criminally charged in 13 states. Cops are destroying the environment for the expansion of the surveillance state. Culture is meaningless, sterile, and dull. No one can afford to live. Everyone is in debt. The Democratic establishment are incompotent and completely oblivious to the reactionary turn of the GOP. Generation Z and Millennials live in an endless loop of reflexive irony, nihilism, depressive hedonia, and insincerity. Love is dead. Life is dead. The UAW/MF line of eating dead food and living dead lives now seems to be a literal description of the present.
2020 saw an unparalleled level of anti-government action, however theoretically weak it may have been. The fact that millions of citizens burnt down police precincts, burnt down stores, fought with the police in the streets... even in the wildest moments of the 60s (excluding May 68 for obvious reasons) no such mass action ever took place. May 68 was the closest example to the summer of 2020.
And yet-
As the same banality of the ever-expanding grayness of contemporary fascistic consumerist American life continues, there has been no further developments in the struggle against contemporary society. Who is afraid of the future?
Why has there been no mass rejection of the spectacle? Why, when the vast majority of people under 45 are growing up in unlivable conditions, does the present mood continue to be that of ironic detachment and hedonistic nihilism? No future for you, no future for me. How much longer can these conditions be tolerated? We saw a generation in revolt during the 60s, during a period of far greater complacency and stability for the average person. Why then, during the most alienated era of human history - now, one which brings with it financial instability and ruin, have the masses not shook off their chains?
The pervasive mood is irony and detachment. "Well you know, capitalism is bad, but there's not much I can do to stop it. Mine as well just consume as much as I can." I have met 16 year olds who tell me that they may as well indulge in hedonism as much as possible because there is no future. As has been repeated numerous times, this foreclosure of the future, and permanent static culture, is exactly what the bourgeois want. The end of history succeeds because the majority believe it. There is no alternative is less of a slogan and more of something taken as fact.
But there is always a future. History does not end. The boomers were described, prior the explosion of the 60s, as a generation of conformists. Lenin believed he'd never see a revolution. This alone proves that, despite what the spectacle would lead to you believe, future continues.
We are lucky, in some ways, to live in a time in which alienation is so commonplace. The radicals of past had to deal with a capitalism that worked for most people. No longer. Everyone is alienated, and everyone is poor. This is the time in which revolutions occur.
We can see the beginnings of the future coming into place now. Stop Cop City comes to mind. The TLM just a few weeks ago occupied several buildings. TI7 happened yesterday, shutting down major infrastructure in major cities. The outside is invading. A generation of psychedelic-noise-freaks will launch full-scale guerrilla information war, a mass-jamming of signals and signages; the underground exists everywhere. Humans were once connected at an unconsciousness level - we can see that we are rapidly hurdling towards a reconnection of the world. Subversion exists in life and autonomy, and the project of acid communism is yet to be finished. The children of Y2K and the end of history will rise from the depths of Cthell and accelerate towards explosive potentialities. We have hardly seen anything yet. The final moment is coming. The swarm is forming. We will breathe through our eyes and sing through our noses. We will be everything and nothing. In every school, every prison, every psychiatric hospital, every office building, you can hear them calling. The Internet will be rewritten. The specter of a society which yearns for freedom and life hangs large over the world. The New Earth exists in us all.
Our project is the creation of the future and nothing less.

(Sorry, was tired writing this, probably some grammar errors)
You may know me from a post I deleted a while back, about a failed second coming of Jesus. I deleted it mainly because I felt it wasn't really going anywhere, but this post is about an argument related to it. I genuinely want to know if anyone can defeat this argument, as I actually considered going back to Christianity, but this argument seemed to come from nowhere and made me go back to my doubting ways.
So, many people will point to Daniel 9 as a pinnacle of biblical prophecy. It definitely seems to predict the fall of the temple and Jerusalem, and to some Jesus's ministry. They use the prophetic years method to support this messianic interpretation, but it seems there are problems with this that complicate another field of biblical thought... eschatology.
Let's look at Daniel 9, in the seventy weeks prophecy: (note the bold text)
“Seventy weeks are decreed about your people and your holy city, to finish the transgression, to put an end to sin, and to atone for iniquity, to bring in everlasting righteousness, to seal both vision and prophet, and to anoint a most holy place. Know therefore and understand that from the going out of the word to restore and build Jerusalem to the coming of an anointed one, a prince, there shall be seven weeks. Then for sixty-two weeks it shall be built again with squares and moat, but in a troubled time. And after the sixty-two weeks, an anointed one shall be cut off and shall have nothing. And the people of the prince who is to come shall destroy the city and the sanctuary (A). Its end shall come with a flood, and to the end there shall be war. Desolations are decreed. And he shall make a strong covenant with many for one week (D), and for half of the week he shall put an end to sacrifice and offering (B). And on the wing of abominations shall come one who makes desolate (C), until the decreed end is poured out on the desolator.” Daniel 9:24-27 ESV
I heard somewhere, if I remember correctly, that some people interpret making the strong covenant and ending sacrifice and offering as being done by Jesus. This seems plausible at first, and other translations probably give a tiny bit more credence to this theory, but if we look at the rest of the book of Daniel, we will see something important.
"It became great, even as great as the Prince of the host. And the regular burnt offering was taken away from him (B), and the place of his sanctuary was overthrown (A). And a host will be given over to it (D) together with the regular burnt offering (B) because of transgression, and it will throw truth to the ground, and it will act and prosper. Then I heard a holy one speaking, and another holy one said to the one who spoke, “For how long is the vision concerning the regular burnt offering (B), the transgression that makes desolate (C), and the giving over of the sanctuary and host to be trampled underfoot (A)?” And he said to me, “For 2,300 evenings and mornings. Then the sanctuary shall be restored to its rightful state.”" Daniel 8:11-14 ESV
"Forces from him shall appear and profane the temple and fortress (A), and shall take away the regular burnt offering (B). And they shall set up the abomination that makes desolate. (C)" Daniel 11:31 ESV
"And from the time that the regular burnt offering is taken away (B) and the abomination that makes desolate is set up (C), there shall be 1,290 days." Daniel 12:11 ESV
It seems that the bible is making something crystal clear. Not only do we see that the offerings being taken away and a covenant being made are not supposed to be good things, but we also see that the timing of the offerings being taken away and the abomination of desolation are seemingly the same (Thus showing the events are supposed to be taking place within the last part of the seventy weeks)! This is huge, due to the olivet discourse prophecy traditionally being viewed as an event in the far future. Combining this with Jesus's words "Truly, I say to you, this generation will not pass away until all these things take place", we can almost be certain that a preterist view of the olivet discourse events would have to be correct, if Christianity is true.
However, there are reasons to question this. First:
"Forces from him shall appear and profane the temple and fortress, and shall take away the regular burnt offering. And they shall set up the abomination that makes desolate. He shall seduce with flattery those who violate the covenant, but the people who know their God shall stand firm and take action. And the wise among the people shall make many understand, though for some days they shall stumble by sword and flame, by captivity and plunder. When they stumble, they shall receive a little help. And many shall join themselves to them with flattery, and some of the wise shall stumble, so that they may be refined, purified, and made white, until the time of the end, for it still awaits the appointed time.
And the king shall do as he wills. He shall exalt himself and magnify himself above every god, and shall speak astonishing things against the God of gods. He shall prosper till the indignation is accomplished; for what is decreed shall be done." Daniel 11:31-36
"Now concerning the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ and our being gathered together to him, we ask you, brothers, not to be quickly shaken in mind or alarmed, either by a spirit or a spoken word, or a letter seeming to be from us, to the effect that the day of the Lord has come. Let no one deceive you in any way. For that day will not come, unless the rebellion comes first, and the man of lawlessness is revealed, the son of destruction, who opposes and exalts himself against every so-called god or object of worship, so that he takes his seat in the temple of God, proclaiming himself to be God. Do you not remember that when I was still with you I told you these things? And you know what is restraining him now so that he may be revealed in his time. For the mystery of lawlessness is already at work. Only he who now restrains it will do so until he is out of the way. And then the lawless one will be revealed, whom the Lord Jesus will kill with the breath of his mouth and bring to nothing by the appearance of his coming. The coming of the lawless one is by the activity of Satan with all power and false signs and wonders," 2 Thessalonians 2:1-9
Here it seems Paul is referencing Daniel 11, with the rebellion of the people (which can be seen in the segments labed D earlier) and exaltation of the anti-Christ. I would even suggest the sitting in the temple is the abomination of desolation "standing where he ought not to be." More importantly, however, it seems Paul is suggesting that the anti-Christ would be destroyed at Jesus's coming! There is more evidence too.
"Behold, he is coming with the clouds, and every eye will see him, even those who pierced him, and all tribes of the earth will wail on account of him. Even so. Amen." Revelations 1:7
This is written in revelations, which is largely believed to be written AFTER the fall of Jerusalem.
This is not even mentioning the many verses in the New Testament that suggest they believed the end was near and the tribulation supposing to be a worldwide event.
Counterpoints?

COINTELPRO Techniques for dilution, misdirection and control of a internet forum - Reposting

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Reposting this, long read but relevant for the coming deluge of 💩
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1. COINTELPRO Techniques for dilution, misdirection and control of a internet forum
2. Twenty-Five Rules of Disinformation
3. Eight Traits of the Disinformationalist
4. How to Spot a Spy (Cointelpro Agent)
5. Seventeen Techniques for Truth Suppression

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COINTELPRO Techniques for dilution, misdirection and control of a internet forum..
There are several techniques for the control and manipulation of a internet forum no matter what, or who is on it. We will go over each technique and demonstrate that only a minimal number of operatives can be used to eventually and effectively gain a control of a 'uncontrolled forum.'
Technique #1 - 'FORUM SLIDING'
If a very sensitive posting of a critical nature has been posted on a forum - it can be quickly removed from public view by 'forum sliding.' In this technique a number of unrelated posts are quietly prepositioned on the forum and allowed to 'age.' Each of these misdirectional forum postings can then be called upon at will to trigger a 'forum slide.' The second requirement is that several fake accounts exist, which can be called upon, to ensure that this technique is not exposed to the public. To trigger a 'forum slide' and 'flush' the critical post out of public view it is simply a matter of logging into each account both real and fake and then 'replying' to prepositined postings with a simple 1 or 2 line comment. This brings the unrelated postings to the top of the forum list, and the critical posting 'slides' down the front page, and quickly out of public view. Although it is difficult or impossible to censor the posting it is now lost in a sea of unrelated and unuseful postings. By this means it becomes effective to keep the readers of the forum reading unrelated and non-issue items.
Technique #2 - 'CONSENSUS CRACKING'
A second highly effective technique (which you can see in operation all the time at www.abovetopsecret.com) is 'consensus cracking.' To develop a consensus crack, the following technique is used. Under the guise of a fake account a posting is made which looks legitimate and is towards the truth is made - but the critical point is that it has a VERY WEAK PREMISE without substantive proof to back the posting. Once this is done then under alternative fake accounts a very strong position in your favour is slowly introduced over the life of the posting. It is IMPERATIVE that both sides are initially presented, so the uninformed reader cannot determine which side is the truth. As postings and replies are made the stronger 'evidence' or disinformation in your favour is slowly 'seeded in.' Thus the uninformed reader will most like develop the same position as you, and if their position is against you their opposition to your posting will be most likely dropped. However in some cases where the forum members are highly educated and can counter your disinformation with real facts and linked postings, you can then 'abort' the consensus cracking by initiating a 'forum slide.'
Technique #3 - 'TOPIC DILUTION'
Topic dilution is not only effective in forum sliding it is also very useful in keeping the forum readers on unrelated and non-productive issues. This is a critical and useful technique to cause a 'RESOURCE BURN.' By implementing continual and non-related postings that distract and disrupt (trolling ) the forum readers they are more effectively stopped from anything of any real productivity. If the intensity of gradual dilution is intense enough, the readers will effectively stop researching and simply slip into a 'gossip mode.' In this state they can be more easily misdirected away from facts towards uninformed conjecture and opinion. The less informed they are the more effective and easy it becomes to control the entire group in the direction that you would desire the group to go in. It must be stressed that a proper assessment of the psychological capabilities and levels of education is first determined of the group to determine at what level to 'drive in the wedge.' By being too far off topic too quickly it may trigger censorship by a forum moderator.
Technique #4 - 'INFORMATION COLLECTION'
Information collection is also a very effective method to determine the psychological level of the forum members, and to gather intelligence that can be used against them. In this technique in a light and positive environment a 'show you mine so me yours' posting is initiated. From the number of replies and the answers that are provided much statistical information can be gathered. An example is to post your 'favourite weapon' and then encourage other members of the forum to showcase what they have. In this matter it can be determined by reverse proration what percentage of the forum community owns a firearm, and or a illegal weapon. This same method can be used by posing as one of the form members and posting your favourite 'technique of operation.' From the replies various methods that the group utilizes can be studied and effective methods developed to stop them from their activities.
Technique #5 - 'ANGER TROLLING'
Statistically, there is always a percentage of the forum posters who are more inclined to violence. In order to determine who these individuals are, it is a requirement to present a image to the forum to deliberately incite a strong psychological reaction. From this the most violent in the group can be effectively singled out for reverse IP location and possibly local enforcement tracking. To accomplish this only requires posting a link to a video depicting a local police officer massively abusing his power against a very innocent individual. Statistically of the million or so police officers in America there is always one or two being caught abusing there powers and the taping of the activity can be then used for intelligence gathering purposes - without the requirement to 'stage' a fake abuse video. This method is extremely effective, and the more so the more abusive the video can be made to look. Sometimes it is useful to 'lead' the forum by replying to your own posting with your own statement of violent intent, and that you 'do not care what the authorities think!!' inflammation. By doing this and showing no fear it may be more effective in getting the more silent and self-disciplined violent intent members of the forum to slip and post their real intentions. This can be used later in a court of law during prosecution.
Technique #6 - 'GAINING FULL CONTROL'
It is important to also be harvesting and continually maneuvering for a forum moderator position. Once this position is obtained, the forum can then be effectively and quietly controlled by deleting unfavourable postings - and one can eventually steer the forum into complete failure and lack of interest by the general public. This is the 'ultimate victory' as the forum is no longer participated with by the general public and no longer useful in maintaining their freedoms. Depending on the level of control you can obtain, you can deliberately steer a forum into defeat by censoring postings, deleting memberships, flooding, and or accidentally taking the forum offline. By this method the forum can be quickly killed. However it is not always in the interest to kill a forum as it can be converted into a 'honey pot' gathering center to collect and misdirect newcomers and from this point be completely used for your control for your agenda purposes.
CONCLUSION
Remember these techniques are only effective if the forum participants DO NOT KNOW ABOUT THEM. Once they are aware of these techniques the operation can completely fail, and the forum can become uncontrolled. At this point other avenues must be considered such as initiating a false legal precidence to simply have the forum shut down and taken offline. This is not desirable as it then leaves the enforcement agencies unable to track the percentage of those in the population who always resist attempts for control against them. Many other techniques can be utilized and developed by the individual and as you develop further techniques of infiltration and control it is imperative to share then with HQ.
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Twenty-Five Rules of Disinformation
Note: The first rule and last five (or six, depending on situation) rules are generally not directly within the ability of the traditional disinfo artist to apply. These rules are generally used more directly by those at the leadership, key players, or planning level of the criminal conspiracy or conspiracy to cover up.
1. Hear no evil, see no evil, speak no evil. Regardless of what you know, don't discuss it -- especially if you are a public figure, news anchor, etc. If it's not reported, it didn't happen, and you never have to deal with the issues.
2. Become incredulous and indignant. Avoid discussing key issues and instead focus on side issues which can be used show the topic as being critical of some otherwise sacrosanct group or theme. This is also known as the 'How dare you!' gambit.
3. Create rumor mongers. Avoid discussing issues by describing all charges, regardless of venue or evidence, as mere rumors and wild accusations. Other derogatory terms mutually exclusive of truth may work as well. This method which works especially well with a silent press, because the only way the public can learn of the facts are through such 'arguable rumors'. If you can associate the material with the Internet, use this fact to certify it a 'wild rumor' from a 'bunch of kids on the Internet' which can have no basis in fact.
4. Use a straw man. Find or create a seeming element of your opponent's argument which you can easily knock down to make yourself look good and the opponent to look bad. Either make up an issue you may safely imply exists based on your interpretation of the opponent/opponent arguments/situation, or select the weakest aspect of the weakest charges. Amplify their significance and destroy them in a way which appears to debunk all the charges, real and fabricated alike, while actually avoiding discussion of the real issues.
5. Sidetrack opponents with name calling and ridicule. This is also known as the primary 'attack the messenger' ploy, though other methods qualify as variants of that approach. Associate opponents with unpopular titles such as 'kooks', 'right-wing', 'liberal', 'left-wing', 'terrorists', 'conspiracy buffs', 'radicals', 'militia', 'racists', 'religious fanatics', 'sexual deviates', and so forth. This makes others shrink from support out of fear of gaining the same label, and you avoid dealing with issues.
6. Hit and Run. In any public forum, make a brief attack of your opponent or the opponent position and then scamper off before an answer can be fielded, or simply ignore any answer. This works extremely well in Internet and letters-to-the-editor environments where a steady stream of new identities can be called upon without having to explain criticism, reasoning -- simply make an accusation or other attack, never discussing issues, and never answering any subsequent response, for that would dignify the opponent's viewpoint.
7. Question motives. Twist or amplify any fact which could be taken to imply that the opponent operates out of a hidden personal agenda or other bias. This avoids discussing issues and forces the accuser on the defensive.
8. Invoke authority. Claim for yourself or associate yourself with authority and present your argument with enough 'jargon' and 'minutia' to illustrate you are 'one who knows', and simply say it isn't so without discussing issues or demonstrating concretely why or citing sources.
9. Play Dumb. No matter what evidence or logical argument is offered, avoid discussing issues except with denials they have any credibility, make any sense, provide any proof, contain or make a point, have logic, or support a conclusion. Mix well for maximum effect.
10. Associate opponent charges with old news. A derivative of the straw man -- usually, in any large-scale matter of high visibility, someone will make charges early on which can be or were already easily dealt with - a kind of investment for the future should the matter not be so easily contained.) Where it can be foreseen, have your own side raise a straw man issue and have it dealt with early on as part of the initial contingency plans. Subsequent charges, regardless of validity or new ground uncovered, can usually then be associated with the original charge and dismissed as simply being a rehash without need to address current issues -- so much the better where the opponent is or was involved with the original source.
11. Establish and rely upon fall-back positions. Using a minor matter or element of the facts, take the 'high road' and 'confess' with candor that some innocent mistake, in hindsight, was made -- but that opponents have seized on the opportunity to blow it all out of proportion and imply greater criminalities which, 'just isn't so.' Others can reinforce this on your behalf, later, and even publicly 'call for an end to the nonsense' because you have already 'done the right thing.' Done properly, this can garner sympathy and respect for 'coming clean' and 'owning up' to your mistakes without addressing more serious issues.
12. Enigmas have no solution. Drawing upon the overall umbrella of events surrounding the crime and the multitude of players and events, paint the entire affair as too complex to solve. This causes those otherwise following the matter to begin to lose interest more quickly without having to address the actual issues.
13. Alice in Wonderland Logic. Avoid discussion of the issues by reasoning backwards or with an apparent deductive logic which forbears any actual material fact.
14. Demand complete solutions. Avoid the issues by requiring opponents to solve the crime at hand completely, a ploy which works best with issues qualifying for rule 10.
15. Fit the facts to alternate conclusions. This requires creative thinking unless the crime was planned with contingency conclusions in place.
16. Vanish evidence and witnesses. If it does not exist, it is not fact, and you won't have to address the issue.
17. Change the subject. Usually in connection with one of the other ploys listed here, find a way to side-track the discussion with abrasive or controversial comments in hopes of turning attention to a new, more manageable topic. This works especially well with companions who can 'argue' with you over the new topic and polarize the discussion arena in order to avoid discussing more key issues.
18. Emotionalize, Antagonize, and Goad Opponents. If you can't do anything else, chide and taunt your opponents and draw them into emotional responses which will tend to make them look foolish and overly motivated, and generally render their material somewhat less coherent. Not only will you avoid discussing the issues in the first instance, but even if their emotional response addresses the issue, you can further avoid the issues by then focusing on how 'sensitive they are to criticism.'
19. Ignore proof presented, demand impossible proofs. This is perhaps a variant of the 'play dumb' rule. Regardless of what material may be presented by an opponent in public forums, claim the material irrelevant and demand proof that is impossible for the opponent to come by (it may exist, but not be at his disposal, or it may be something which is known to be safely destroyed or withheld, such as a murder weapon.) In order to completely avoid discussing issues, it may be required that you to categorically deny and be critical of media or books as valid sources, deny that witnesses are acceptable, or even deny that statements made by government or other authorities have any meaning or relevance.
20. False evidence. Whenever possible, introduce new facts or clues designed and manufactured to conflict with opponent presentations -- as useful tools to neutralize sensitive issues or impede resolution. This works best when the crime was designed with contingencies for the purpose, and the facts cannot be easily separated from the fabrications.
21. Call a Grand Jury, Special Prosecutor, or other empowered investigative body. Subvert the (process) to your benefit and effectively neutralize all sensitive issues without open discussion. Once convened, the evidence and testimony are required to be secret when properly handled. For instance, if you own the prosecuting attorney, it can insure a Grand Jury hears no useful evidence and that the evidence is sealed and unavailable to subsequent investigators. Once a favorable verdict is achieved, the matter can be considered officially closed. Usually, this technique is applied to find the guilty innocent, but it can also be used to obtain charges when seeking to frame a victim.
22. Manufacture a new truth. Create your own expert(s), group(s), author(s), leader(s) or influence existing ones willing to forge new ground via scientific, investigative, or social research or testimony which concludes favorably. In this way, if you must actually address issues, you can do so authoritatively.
23. Create bigger distractions. If the above does not seem to be working to distract from sensitive issues, or to prevent unwanted media coverage of unstoppable events such as trials, create bigger news stories (or treat them as such) to distract the multitudes.
24. Silence critics. If the above methods do not prevail, consider removing opponents from circulation by some definitive solution so that the need to address issues is removed entirely. This can be by their death, arrest and detention, blackmail or destruction of their character by release of blackmail information, or merely by destroying them financially, emotionally, or severely damaging their health.
25. Vanish. If you are a key holder of secrets or otherwise overly illuminated and you think the heat is getting too hot, to avoid the issues, vacate the kitchen.
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Eight Traits of the Disinformationalist
1) Avoidance. They never actually discuss issues head-on or provide constructive input, generally avoiding citation of references or credentials. Rather, they merely imply this, that, and the other. Virtually everything about their presentation implies their authority and expert knowledge in the matter without any further justification for credibility.
2) Selectivity. They tend to pick and choose opponents carefully, either applying the hit-and-run approach against mere commentators supportive of opponents, or focusing heavier attacks on key opponents who are known to directly address issues. Should a commentator become argumentative with any success, the focus will shift to include the commentator as well.
3) Coincidental. They tend to surface suddenly and somewhat coincidentally with a new controversial topic with no clear prior record of participation in general discussions in the particular public arena involved. They likewise tend to vanish once the topic is no longer of general concern. They were likely directed or elected to be there for a reason, and vanish with the reason.
4) Teamwork. They tend to operate in self-congratulatory and complementary packs or teams. Of course, this can happen naturally in any public forum, but there will likely be an ongoing pattern of frequent exchanges of this sort where professionals are involved. Sometimes one of the players will infiltrate the opponent camp to become a source for straw man or other tactics designed to dilute opponent presentation strength.
5) Anti-conspiratorial. They almost always have disdain for 'conspiracy theorists' and, usually, for those who in any way believe JFK was not killed by LHO. Ask yourself why, if they hold such disdain for conspiracy theorists, do they focus on defending a single topic discussed in a NG focusing on conspiracies? One might think they would either be trying to make fools of everyone on every topic, or simply ignore the group they hold in such disdain.Or, one might more rightly conclude they have an ulterior motive for their actions in going out of their way to focus as they do.
6) Artificial Emotions. An odd kind of 'artificial' emotionalism and an unusually thick skin -- an ability to persevere and persist even in the face of overwhelming criticism and unacceptance. This likely stems from intelligence community training that, no matter how condemning the evidence, deny everything, and never become emotionally involved or reactive. The net result for a disinfo artist is that emotions can seem artificial.
Most people, if responding in anger, for instance, will express their animosity throughout their rebuttal. But disinfo types usually have trouble maintaining the 'image' and are hot and cold with respect to pretended emotions and their usually more calm or unemotional communications style. It's just a job, and they often seem unable to 'act their role in character' as well in a communications medium as they might be able in a real face-to-face conversation/confrontation. You might have outright rage and indignation one moment, ho-hum the next, and more anger later -- an emotional yo-yo.
With respect to being thick-skinned, no amount of criticism will deter them from doing their job, and they will generally continue their old disinfo patterns without any adjustments to criticisms of how obvious it is that they play that game -- where a more rational individual who truly cares what others think might seek to improve their communications style, substance, and so forth, or simply give up.
7) Inconsistent. There is also a tendency to make mistakes which betray their true self/motives. This may stem from not really knowing their topic, or it may be somewhat 'freudian', so to speak, in that perhaps they really root for the side of truth deep within.
I have noted that often, they will simply cite contradictory information which neutralizes itself and the author. For instance, one such player claimed to be a Navy pilot, but blamed his poor communicating skills (spelling, grammar, incoherent style) on having only a grade-school education. I'm not aware of too many Navy pilots who don't have a college degree. Another claimed no knowledge of a particular topic/situation but later claimed first-hand knowledge of it.
8) Time Constant. Recently discovered, with respect to News Groups, is the response time factor. There are three ways this can be seen to work, especially when the government or other empowered player is involved in a cover up operation:
a) ANY NG posting by a targeted proponent for truth can result in an IMMEDIATE response. The government and other empowered players can afford to pay people to sit there and watch for an opportunity to do some damage. SINCE DISINFO IN A NG ONLY WORKS IF THE READER SEES IT - FAST RESPONSE IS CALLED FOR, or the visitor may be swayed towards truth.
b) When dealing in more direct ways with a disinformationalist, such as email, DELAY IS CALLED FOR - there will usually be a minimum of a 48-72 hour delay. This allows a sit-down team discussion on response strategy for best effect, and even enough time to 'get permission' or instruction from a formal chain of command.
c) In the NG example 1) above, it will often ALSO be seen that bigger guns are drawn and fired after the same 48-72 hours delay - the team approach in play. This is especially true when the targeted truth seeker or their comments are considered more important with respect to potential to reveal truth. Thus, a serious truth sayer will be attacked twice for the same sin.
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How to Spot a Spy (Cointelpro Agent)
One way to neutralize a potential activist is to get them to be in a group that does all the wrong things. Why?
1) The message doesn't get out.
2) A lot of time is wasted
3) The activist is frustrated and discouraged
4) Nothing good is accomplished.
FBI and Police Informers and Infiltrators will infest any group and they have phoney activist organizations established.
Their purpose is to prevent any real movement for justice or eco-peace from developing in this country.
Agents come in small, medium or large. They can be of any ethnic background. They can be male or female.
The actual size of the group or movement being infiltrated is irrelevant. It is the potential the movement has for becoming large which brings on the spies and saboteurs.
This booklet lists tactics agents use to slow things down, foul things up, destroy the movement and keep tabs on activists.
It is the agent's job to keep the activist from quitting such a group, thus keeping him/her under control.
In some situations, to get control, the agent will tell the activist:

• "You're dividing the movement."

[Here, I have added the psychological reasons as to WHY this maneuver works to control people]
This invites guilty feelings. Many people can be controlled by guilt. The agents begin relationships with activists behind a well-developed mask of "dedication to the cause." Because of their often declared dedication, (and actions designed to prove this), when they criticize the activist, he or she - being truly dedicated to the movement - becomes convinced that somehow, any issues are THEIR fault. This is because a truly dedicated person tends to believe that everyone has a conscience and that nobody would dissimulate and lie like that "on purpose." It's amazing how far agents can go in manipulating an activist because the activist will constantly make excuses for the agent who regularly declares their dedication to the cause. Even if they do, occasionally, suspect the agent, they will pull the wool over their own eyes by rationalizing: "they did that unconsciously... they didn't really mean it... I can help them by being forgiving and accepting " and so on and so forth.
The agent will tell the activist:

• "You're a leader!"

This is designed to enhance the activist's self-esteem. His or her narcissistic admiration of his/her own activist/altruistic intentions increase as he or she identifies with and consciously admires the altruistic declarations of the agent which are deliberately set up to mirror those of the activist.
This is "malignant pseudoidentification." It is the process by which the agent consciously imitates or simulates a certain behavior to foster the activist's identification with him/her, thus increasing the activist's vulnerability to exploitation. The agent will simulate the more subtle self-concepts of the activist.
Activists and those who have altruistic self-concepts are most vulnerable to malignant pseudoidentification especially during work with the agent when the interaction includes matter relating to their competency, autonomy, or knowledge.
The goal of the agent is to increase the activist's general empathy for the agent through pseudo-identification with the activist's self-concepts.
The most common example of this is the agent who will compliment the activist for his competency or knowledge or value to the movement. On a more subtle level, the agent will simulate affects and mannerisms of the activist which promotes identification via mirroring and feelings of "twinship". It is not unheard of for activists, enamored by the perceived helpfulness and competence of a good agent, to find themselves considering ethical violations and perhaps, even illegal behavior, in the service of their agent/handler.
The activist's "felt quality of perfection" [self-concept] is enhanced, and a strong empathic bond is developed with the agent through his/her imitation and simulation of the victim's own narcissistic investments. [self-concepts] That is, if the activist knows, deep inside, their own dedication to the cause, they will project that onto the agent who is "mirroring" them.
The activist will be deluded into thinking that the agent shares this feeling of identification and bonding. In an activist/social movement setting, the adversarial roles that activists naturally play vis a vis the establishment/government, fosters ongoing processes of intrapsychic splitting so that "twinship alliances" between activist and agent may render whole sectors or reality testing unavailable to the activist. They literally "lose touch with reality."
Activists who deny their own narcissistic investments [do not have a good idea of their own self-concepts and that they ARE concepts] and consciously perceive themselves (accurately, as it were) to be "helpers" endowed with a special amount of altruism are exceedingly vulnerable to the affective (emotional) simulation of the accomplished agent.
Empathy is fostered in the activist through the expression of quite visible affects. The presentation of tearfulness, sadness, longing, fear, remorse, and guilt, may induce in the helper-oriented activist a strong sense of compassion, while unconsciously enhancing the activist's narcissistic investment in self as the embodiment of goodness.
The agent's expresssion of such simulated affects may be quite compelling to the observer and difficult to distinguish from deep emotion.
It can usually be identified by two events, however:
First, the activist who has analyzed his/her own narcissistic roots and is aware of his/her own potential for being "emotionally hooked," will be able to remain cool and unaffected by such emotional outpourings by the agent.
As a result of this unaffected, cool, attitude, the Second event will occur: The agent will recompensate much too quickly following such an affective expression leaving the activist with the impression that "the play has ended, the curtain has fallen," and the imposture, for the moment, has finished. The agent will then move quickly to another activist/victim.
The fact is, the movement doesn't need leaders, it needs MOVERS. "Follow the leader" is a waste of time.
A good agent will want to meet as often as possible. He or she will talk a lot and say little. One can expect an onslaught of long, unresolved discussions.
Some agents take on a pushy, arrogant, or defensive manner:
1) To disrupt the agenda
2) To side-track the discussion
3) To interrupt repeatedly
4) To feign ignorance
5) To make an unfounded accusation against a person.
Calling someone a racist, for example. This tactic is used to discredit a person in the eyes of all other group members.
Saboteurs
Some saboteurs pretend to be activists. She or he will ....
1) Write encyclopedic flyers (in the present day, websites)
2) Print flyers in English only.
3) Have demonstrations in places where no one cares.
4) Solicit funding from rich people instead of grass roots support
5) Display banners with too many words that are confusing.
6) Confuse issues.
7) Make the wrong demands.
8) Compromise the goal.
9) Have endless discussions that waste everyone's time. The agent may accompany the endless discussions with drinking, pot smoking or other amusement to slow down the activist's work.
Provocateurs
1) Want to establish "leaders" to set them up for a fall in order to stop the movement.
2) Suggest doing foolish, illegal things to get the activists in trouble.
3) Encourage militancy.
4) Want to taunt the authorities.
5) Attempt to make the activist compromise their values.
6) Attempt to instigate violence. Activisim ought to always be non-violent.
7) Attempt to provoke revolt among people who are ill-prepared to deal with the reaction of the authorities to such violence.
Informants
1) Want everyone to sign up and sing in and sign everything.
2) Ask a lot of questions (gathering data).
3) Want to know what events the activist is planning to attend.
4) Attempt to make the activist defend him or herself to identify his or her beliefs, goals, and level of committment.
Recruiting
Legitimate activists do not subject people to hours of persuasive dialog. Their actions, beliefs, and goals speak for themselves.
Groups that DO recruit are missionaries, military, and fake political parties or movements set up by agents.
Surveillance
ALWAYS assume that you are under surveillance.
At this point, if you are NOT under surveillance, you are not a very good activist!
Scare Tactics
They use them.
Such tactics include slander, defamation, threats, getting close to disaffected or minimally committed fellow activists to persuade them (via psychological tactics described above) to turn against the movement and give false testimony against their former compatriots. They will plant illegal substances on the activist and set up an arrest; they will plant false information and set up "exposure," they will send incriminating letters [emails] in the name of the activist; and more; they will do whatever society will allow.
This booklet in no way covers all the ways agents use to sabotage the lives of sincere an dedicated activists.
If an agent is "exposed," he or she will be transferred or replaced.
COINTELPRO is still in operation today under a different code name. It is no longer placed on paper where it can be discovered through the freedom of information act.
The FBI counterintelligence program's stated purpose: To expose, disrupt, misdirect, discredit, and otherwise neutralize individuals who the FBI categorize as opposed to the National Interests. "National Security" means the FBI's security from the people ever finding out the vicious things it does in violation of people's civil liberties.
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Seventeen Techniques for Truth Suppression
Strong, credible allegations of high-level criminal activity can bring down a government. When the government lacks an effective, fact-based defense, other techniques must be employed. The success of these techniques depends heavily upon a cooperative, compliant press and a mere token opposition party.
1. Dummy up. If it's not reported, if it's not news, it didn't happen.
2. Wax indignant. This is also known as the "How dare you?" gambit.
3. Characterize the charges as "rumors" or, better yet, "wild rumors." If, in spite of the news blackout, the public is still able to learn about the suspicious facts, it can only be through "rumors." (If they tend to believe the "rumors" it must be because they are simply "paranoid" or "hysterical.")
4. Knock down straw men. Deal only with the weakest aspects of the weakest charges. Even better, create your own straw men. Make up wild rumors (or plant false stories) and give them lead play when you appear to debunk all the charges, real and fanciful alike.
5. Call the skeptics names like "conspiracy theorist," "nutcase," "ranter," "kook," "crackpot," and, of course, "rumor monger." Be sure, too, to use heavily loaded verbs and adjectives when characterizing their charges and defending the "more reasonable" government and its defenders. You must then carefully avoid fair and open debate with any of the people you have thus maligned. For insurance, set up your own "skeptics" to shoot down.
6. Impugn motives. Attempt to marginalize the critics by suggesting strongly that they are not really interested in the truth but are simply pursuing a partisan political agenda or are out to make money (compared to over-compensated adherents to the government line who, presumably, are not).
7. Invoke authority. Here the controlled press and the sham opposition can be very useful.
8. Dismiss the charges as "old news."
9. Come half-clean. This is also known as "confession and avoidance" or "taking the limited hangout route." This way, you create the impression of candor and honesty while you admit only to relatively harmless, less-than-criminal "mistakes." This stratagem often requires the embrace of a fall-back position quite different from the one originally taken. With effective damage control, the fall-back position need only be peddled by stooge skeptics to carefully limited markets.
10. Characterize the crimes as impossibly complex and the truth as ultimately unknowable.
11. Reason backward, using the deductive method with a vengeance. With thoroughly rigorous deduction, troublesome evidence is irrelevant. E.g. We have a completely free press. If evidence exists that the Vince Foster "suicide" note was forged, they would have reported it. They haven't reported it so there is no such evidence. Another variation on this theme involves the likelihood of a conspiracy leaker and a press who would report the leak.
12. Require the skeptics to solve the crime completely. E.g. If Foster was murdered, who did it and why?
13. Change the subject. This technique includes creating and/or publicizing distractions.
14. Lightly report incriminating facts, and then make nothing of them. This is sometimes referred to as "bump and run" reporting.
15. Baldly and brazenly lie. A favorite way of doing this is to attribute the "facts" furnished the public to a plausible-sounding, but anonymous, source.
16. Expanding further on numbers 4 and 5, have your own stooges "expose" scandals and champion popular causes. Their job is to pre-empt real opponents and to play 99-yard football. A variation is to pay rich people for the job who will pretend to spend their own money.
17. Flood the Internet with agents. This is the answer to the question, "What could possibly motivate a person to spend hour upon hour on Internet news groups defending the government and/or the press and harassing genuine critics?" Don t the authorities have defenders enough in all the newspapers, magazines, radio, and television? One would think refusing to print critical letters and screening out serious callers or dumping them from radio talk shows would be control enough, but, obviously, it is not.

First thing dirty for the long post.
Wife and I recently began or life as a family of 4 from a family of 3. And while I am fully prepped for all the intricacies that entails I'm beginning to wear down.
For some context I am a very touchy feely kinda guy and require physical love to recharge my emotional/psychological batteries. (Hugs, kisses, cuddling, adult time etc). But man kid #2 is proving to be rough. I have a very stressful and demanding job and my spouse is on a very long and much needed maternity leave. That combined with us doing exclusively great feeding means that I sleep alone while mom stays with baby so I can at least attempt to be rested for work. Now I know she does like 90% of the caring for our 2 month old but I am doing my best to take care of everything else. Namely our 3yr old, our outdoor renovations, cleaning, cooking etc. But any chance I get I also take the baby so her poor momma can actually move around.
Now the issue, all of the above obviously means it is difficult to find time to be intimate. But despite my best efforts in getting the house ready, toddler in bed, and baby FINALLY asleep and not attached to either of us; it always ends in one or both of us being passed out. I'm not mad at anyone I'm upset with the situation and my wife can tell. It is slowly wearing me out and crushing my soul. I recently had a birthday where we had a babysitter lined up for the kids and we could go out alone and it felt very... Emotionless and numb... Kinda hurt my feelings but I could tell she was just tired and wanted to go home and sleep. We had this issue with the first kid but there were a lot more issues on my wife's side that we are not experiencing this time around. It's pretty much energy levels being constantly low. But damn it hurts. So my effort feels pointless and I don't know how much longer I can keep it up without snapping or lashing out by accident. Not sure what to do anymore.